Monday, December 8, 2008

Sushi Porn

I have at least 100 other things I need to be doing today, but circumstances require I sit at my computer and get none of it done.

I am trying to not eat out of self-made boredom, but as I click around I keep finding food porn everywhere.

The last webpage I came across was full of Sushi.

Real, Japanese made, luscious, delectable sushi.

It got me wanting the real thing.

Sushi comes in all shapes, sizes and prices and for the sushi snob I live with, a good sushi dinner surpasses the gross national product of some emerging nations.

You can find less expensive options, but that would include eating rolls and dining at places with names like "Wok 'n Roll", "The Sushi Bar & Grill" or "Sushi, factory direct to you".

I know that the first rule of thumb is to find a restaurant with real Japanese sushi chefs. And having a tattoo of a rising sun with Japanese lettering on your forearm does not count.

Once an authentic dining experience has been found, I want to avoid the wrath of the man with a foot long Ginsu knife. Thus I have tried to learn all I can about Japanese sushi eating etiquette.

I will never leave my chopsticks standing up in my rice, as if they are incense waiting to be lit. I will never hand anyone food, pull a bowl towards me, point at what I want, make gestures or stab my food with said chopsticks.

I shall never make wasabi soup out of my soy sauce.

I will not soak my sushi rice in soy sauce, leaving clumps of it in my bowl and drippings of it trailed along the table, up my shirt and on the corners of my mouth with the excess.

I will not order in broken Japanese, but instead will either leave the ordering to the one who actually can speak Japanese (previously mentioned sushi snob) or go ahead and ask for it in my first language. I want to actually get what I am trying to order. I am not ready to try my luck on blowfish.

I also will not order non-sushi items to be delivered to me at the sushi bar because "I do not like anything raw". If this is the case I had better sit my rear end at a table and order my chicken teriyaki with California roll out of earshot of said man with sharp implements.

When bringing my children with me I will not allow them to play "shoot the soy bean through the drinking straw and see if I can get it up my brothers nose on the first try" game. Because this will then inevitably be followed with "I can tie my noodles into a lasso and loop it around my sisters ears" game. Neither of which can end well. Not that I would know from experience or anything.

So my entry today started out about wanting food and evolved into a lesson on food etiquette. Sorry about that.

I guess the only way to make up for it would be to post some really good sushi porn...




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