Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Gojira Lives

Some Days Jeffrey just isn't himself!

Good Morning World! 

MOM! I'm going outside to play.

MOM, I'm hungry!

MOM, I'm going back outside to play.

BAM!! BAM!! BAM!! Take that you space alien!!

Jeffrey can you please hold it down while I'm driving..
But MOM! There's a giant three headed alien trying to get me!
Oh yes, sorry I didn't notice.

MOM! Katherine is messing up my Lego house!

MOM! There's a giant bug in my room... 

I think those tacos were a little on the spicy side mom.
Can I have a Tums?

MOM! Come see what Katherine did this time!!!

But WHY do I have to clean my room?

Is it really time to take a bath already? 
Where's my toy boat?

OK OK, I'm putting down the toys and going to bed.
No need to get so pushy!

Good night world! 
The great and fearsome monster heads to bed, so he can once again be ready to fight another day.

Monday, August 30, 2010

The Great Front Seatini

You, yes you in the back row with the blond hair and freckles...
What question do you have for the all knowing all powerful front seat?
Ask anything... your deepest most thought provoking question, perhaps one that has plagued mankind for years...
Whatever it is the Great Front Seatini will put an end your eternal wondering...

"If you were made out of chocolate and you started to eat yourself...
Would it hurt?"

You're on your own with that one kid.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Please always remember and never forget....

Make one mistake in this house and everybody (and her brother) will remind you until the end of days.

Take for example several months back. I was making Jeffrey some noodles. The kind that come in the little plastic container with a couple different packets inside that have to be added at different times during the serving process.

 I took the outer wrapper off, peeled the top back just enough to add the water and stuck it in the microwave.

5 minutes later the timer goes off and out comes the noodles. Jeffrey is hovering next to me to make sure I do everything just so. Probably making sure I don't add anything extra that would otherwise ruin the taste of his lunch. As I pull the top the rest of the way off I hear a gasp from behind me:




"WHAT AM I LOOKING AT????" (panic setting in)


(Cue my deep sigh of relief)

"Is that all?"

"What do you mean is that all???  Now what are we going to do?"

"Well we might consider opening them and adding them to the noodles like the instructions suggest..."

"How can we do that?? They've.... been..... microwaved!!!"


"And that's not how you are supposed to do it! Look at the packet! It's all swollen up."

"Thats because it got hot inside. Nothing bad happened to the sauce."

"But when you open the packet its going to explode all over the place and there won't be enough to add to the noodles and they won't taste good!"

(Always thinking with his stomach, this one)

I eventually got him to calm down enough to let me snip the end and pour the ENTIRE package into the noodles and serve them exactly as per package instructions.

As nice as it would be to say that was that, we know in this house that is never that.

Now every time I go to serve noodles, I hear the stampeding sound of Jeffrey feet barreling towards the kitchen to try to catch me before I slide the dish into the dreaded microwave.

"MOM MOM MOM!!! Did you take the sauce packet out??"

(At this point how could I ever forget??)

And it doesn't end there. ANY time I am cooking something packaged that requires microwaving I get the same 20 questions.

"Are there any packets left inside?"

"Did you check?"

"Are you sure?"

"Did you pull the package back far enough to really be sure?"

I tend to trip him up occasionally by answering that I have decided to live dangerously and did not actually check to see if anything was lurking within the depths of the package. And no, I wont let him see because he too needs to learn to live dangerously.

Judging by the horrified look on his face I don't think that's going to be happening anytime soon!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

School Starts WHEN??

Can Wednesday get here any faster please?

It's time for them to start school and spend a little less time with each other.

I had some errands to run today and on the way home these were just a few of the things I felt compelled to say to the back seat:

"I don't care if everyone IS Kung Fu fighting, you can't do that while I'm driving"

"Jeffrey, your sister has asked you twice to stop breathing on her, please listen"

"Katherine stop singing "Dude looks like a lady" while looking at your brother"

"Jeffrey get your foot out from under Katherine's rear end right now" (How he accomplished this while strapped in correctly I do not know)

And then there was what drifted out of the back seat

"Stop that!"

"Stop what?"

"What you're doing"

"What am I doing?"

"You know what you're doing so stop it!"


"NOW what are you doing?"

"I'm flapping my arms like a bird"

"What are you doing that for?"

"Because I wasn't doing it before and you told me to stop what I was doing so I stopped NOT flapping my arms like a bird."

Please let Wednesday get here tomorrow.

This says it all:

To My Favorite Guy in the Whole Wide World!

May your day be Lego-licious!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Forget the bucket, abandon ship!

So here we are.

Life unexpected.

Not where I thought I'd be at this point, but I guess if I was really honest I would say I didn't give it much thought so maybe thats why I'm in this predicament.

I have spent the better part of my life hurling through the days trying to get to some future event, or through a current event and hoping it all turns out OK.

But the honest truth is I really believe it will turn out OK..every piece of it. Even when at times, like now, it all feels like a fancy balancing act. I saw a juggler once who was doing his whole routine standing on a plank that was on a barrel on its side that was on another plank that was balanced on several planks that were standing up on their ends. It was fascinating to watch. Its not so fascinating when you live it.

Especially when I didn't build the tower. Someone else built it and put me up here. But because I am not fond of breaking my neck by falling off or losing any of the things I am juggling, I roll to the left, roll to the right and try to keep all the things that have been thrown at me in a intricate dance flowing from one hand to the next.

Now don't get me wrong, I take full responsibility for where I am in my life. Or I should say I take full responsibility for not making plans and ending up here with a rather confused look on my face.

So what does one do when they find themselves fighting a losing battle while bailing water out of their lifeboat? I think it's time to get a better lifeboat. I don't think a bigger bucket is gonna help right now.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

High Fashion

I have decided that this will be Jeffrey's outfit for the first day of school.
I think he will be a hit!
Or was it that he WILL get hit?
Either way... I wonder how many of these lovely plaid jumpsuits they actually sold??

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Old Photos Revisted

So here's the thing. Sometimes I have no idea what to write about.

My kids have behaved themselves enough that there is no reason to make fun of them.

I wrote about my cats yesterday so I can't use that.

So here I am writing about nothing to write about.

Is that cheating?

Sometimes I click thorough other blogs trying to get an idea. But more often than not the blog fairy who is in charge of delivering the "Next Blog" seems to enjoy sending me "This blog is in Estonian... would you like to translate?"  five times in a row. At which point I give up and go on to something else.

I guess I could post a bunch of pictures since I spent the better part of  yesterday scanning and uploading to Facebook. My girls love to see pictures of themselves when they were younger and being the proud mama that I am, I dont mind showing them off.

I took hundreds of pictures and untold hours of videos when they were young. Unfortunately I didn't have the money to buy a good camera or even decent film. I guess when you buy 35mm film at the dollar store and get it developed by a send-it-through-the-mail bargain basement developing company you cant expect great results. But at least I was using 35mm older Nikon that worked most of the time with a nice telephoto lens.  My parents (who could have afforded something really nice) used a dime store 110 instamatic that took some of the worst pictures I have ever seen.

Everybody in the picture was about an inch high and depending on how long they had had the film laying around, the tint to the picture could be anything from deep pink to light green.

I have been trying to scan some of them into my Photoshop program and fix them to the best of my abilities....but herein lies the problem.... my abilities suck! The program is amazing and can do SO many different things but it has a mile high learning curve and I keep getting worn out trying to climb it.

I made some good progress yesterday and restored some pictures that were nearly unrecognizable but it took me the better part of 4 hours because I kept having to look up the how-to's.

So I guess I will end this less than thrilling post with some fruits of my labors. Please keep in mind how bad these were when I started. Just the fact that I was able to restore them enough to remember the moment a little more clearly is a really big deal! I love the pictures of Christopher with my dad. He adored Chris more than anything and my biggest regret is that he died when Chris was only 6 so any picture of them together means the world to me.

 Here are the girls in 1991 with my grandma who was about 86  at the time. The picture looked like it had been taken through a rose tinted filter..

Boy, Em loved that hat. It was a train engineers cap that used to be Christophers before she appropriated it.
Heres another from the same day. This pic was green. And so green that the girls looked like they were peering at you from behind an algae filled fish tank.

Here's a great shot of Chris with my dad in about 1988. This was so hazy and green that you couldn't see anyones face.

Heres a group shot  from the same day as the above pic. This shot was also green but when I removed that tint, a slightly pinkish one showed up. But at least I can see everyone.
This is my mom (on the left), her sister Margaret, me, Chris and Sarah.
Chris just loved those cowboy boots, I still have them!

I have several more that I will be adding to this post so stayed tuned.
I've got a photoshop job to put together for the hubby.
Keep your fingers crossed it doesn't take me as long as the last one.


OK, so back to post a few more repaired pix from yesteryear

Here is Chris on his 1st birthday 1986 at my parents house... the photo was so dark you couldn't see my face

Here's Chris and my dad in late 1986.. this pic cleaned up pretty well but I had to crop it down because there was more pic of the room than the people in it!

Here is me and Chris in March 1987.... about 6 weeks before Sarah was born. Again the picture was green and dark so I was happy that Chris' face came out so well.

Monday, August 23, 2010

More Kitty Fuzz!!!

I'm babysitting my grandkitties this week while Sarah (their mommy) is out of town.

Grandkitties are like grandchildren because you can spoil them and then send them home.

My kitties, with the exception of Leo who loves everyone, are not enjoying their visit. Madison refuses to leave the bedroom area of the house which means she can't get to little things like the litter box or food tray. I've had to rearrange things to accommodate her which wasn't on the top of my to-do list this week. 

Wednesday (affectionately known as Porkchop due to her current girth) makes herself at home right away.

Suma (short for some-of this and some-of that) stalks the computer cord from behind a chair leg.

WAIT...What was THAT?

It's mine!

Prepare to be eaten fish!

Nom Nom Nom!

Saturday, August 21, 2010

The Spaceman Cometh

Yeah, I wouldn't have believed it either! 

This must be where he got his schnazzy suit! 

I gotta get me one of the these.. I mean it's got 8 zippers and inside pockets (strong selling points by any standard)... but it's also made out of nylon! And all for the bargain price of $7.95 (plus .75 postage and handling). Seeing how it originally cost $180, how could you not order one for yourself???

Friday, August 20, 2010

The Dark Truth

Occasionally I like to try to impress my children with my vast knowledge base.

No laughing please.

I may not be like the encyclopedia I am married to who can read an article and absorb all the facts and then repeat them verbatim, understanding everything he is imparting. But I do know a thing or two that might seem impressive when you're under 4 foot tall.

Thanks to an over the top 5th grade teacher, I know all the states and their capitals and can point them out on a map.

I am better than average at teen Jeopardy being able to call out the answer faster than the high schooler contestants.... and occasionally surprise myself and know a number of the harder answers on adult Jeopardy. I have even proven that I am indeed smarter than a 5th grader. Most of the time.

I can name most dog breeds by sight, even the more obscure ones. (Yes I know.. you're jealous).

I am fairly good at being able to use correct grammar and am above average in spelling. (Even though spell check just informed me I spelled grammar incorrectly..  ironic to be sure)

I am really very good at "pencil puzzles" and aces at logic problems (having gotten an A+ in symbolic logic in college). Perhaps I should have gone into military intelligence..cracking codes and what not. (but not cracking COEDS as I originally mis-typed.)

The kids take most of my knowledge in stride, none too impressed with me knowing that Pierre is the Capital of South Dakota or that dog we saw walking down the street was a Dandy Dinmont terrier, or even that I answered the $1000 question on Jeopardy when none of the contestants did. But what they always do comment on is that fact that I can tell them which opera a particular song came from and I can even hum the tune.

WOW mom how did you know that came from the Barber of Seville? Or Ride of the Valkyries? Where did you learn that? In college?

Unfortunately I cannot tell them the dark truth to this question. It would take all mystique out of what seems to be awe inspiring to them.

And the truth, dear reader is that I spent my Saturday mornings as a kid watching the worlds funniest rabbit.. Bugs Bunny. Yes, those cartoons that were filled with classical references to some of the more memorable operas.. either poking fun or simply using the music. It would be hard to tell my kids that I gained this impressive knowledge by spending my childhood Saturday mornings holed up in my parents room, eating 3 bowls of cereal and watching cartoons.

Shhhhhh.. don't tell them!

Thursday, August 19, 2010


No, I mean it..seriously?
All these years all I had to do was get some vitamins so I could cook clean and dust more and my husband would think I was I was cuter?
Who knew?
I guess the people in the 1930's thats who!

Grandma Jeffrey

It's tough when your 9 year old worries more about things than you do.

His scope of concerns run far and wide and encompass not just himself but everyone around him.

He's a Jewish grandma in a little boy suit.

"MOM! Katherine is going out to ride her bike..."

"Yes and?"

"She just finished eating and she will get sick to her stomach if she rides her bike now.. she needs to wait for at least half an hour."

"Jeffrey, thats swimming.... relax."


"Mom, the expiration date on this dressing says it's best if used by today.... why did you put it on my salad? Isn't it going make me sick if I eat it?"

"It's fine Jeffrey, you just had some last night."

"Yes, but last night was yesterday and it hadn't expired yet.. today it's expired.... Are you sure I won't get sick?"

I stifle the urge to say something sarcastic about why anyone would poison him on purpose.


(From the back seat, bobbing and weaving to get a good look at the instrument panel):  "Mom the speed limit is 45 on this street, it looks like you are going almost 50."

(Thank you officer)

(Continuing to crane around to get a good look at the gauges): "Mom, the gas gauge is on empty, aren't we going to run out of gas?"

"It's not completely empty, the light isn't on yet and I plan on stopping for gas as soon as we get off the freeway."

"Yes but what if the light is broken and we run out of gas before we get off the freeway?
We will be stopped in traffic and other people will run into us and the car will be wrecked."

"The light is not broken."

"How do you know?"

"I just do OK?"

"Yes but HOW do you know? Is there some other light that tells you when other lights are broken?
What if ALL the lights are broken?"

You know what kid..you're going to give yourself an ulcer.


It's not that I don't appreciate the fact that in reality he is just looking out for everyone's health and safety.. it's just that he will never take anyone's word for it when we tell him it's going to be OK.

He is pretty sure that he is the only one of the group who senses danger and if he doesn't warn us all, we will all get sick to our stomachs, die of food poisoning  or be stuck on the highway of life out of gas and helpless because we didn't see the warning signs like he did.

I guess we're all lucky that he's here.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

More Things Forgotten

I do believe I must suffer from early onset Alzheimer's disease. Only I can't remember why

No seriously... I forget more things on a daily basis then is normal, I'm sure of it.

The other day Jeff called me to come to the dojo and bring him the vacuum (he was fixing the wall and made a dusty mess). That was all he called me for, that was all I had to remember. That was the only reason I was leaving the house. So of course I walked to the car, drove to the dojo, got out of the car, walked into the dojo smiling happily.... right up to the point that I realized the vacuum was sitting back at the house forgotten as I breezed past it out door.

That was a tough one to explain.

"Exactly how does one forget the only thing you were leaving the house for?"

"Ummmmm..... I was so excited to come down and see you it overrode any rational thought and I raced out the door without any thought what-so-ever?"

I added a particularly cheesy smile.

"Yes well I buy the no thought what-so-ever part".

I deserved that I suppose.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

The Blog Forgotten

 Hell hath no neglect like a blog forgotten.

It hasn't exactly been forgotten, Ive just been so overwhelmed and busy that I haven't had a spare moment to sit and do something pleasurable like blogging.

Since the last time I wrote, I am proud to announce that I have lost 50 pounds and feel great.

Of course my hubby has lost 70 and looks lean and sexy. Its great being married to an overachiever.

I still have a bit to go to feel lean and sexy myself but at least I am well on my way.

In the mean time we have moved (again!). Still in the throes of a lawsuit trying to get back a sickening amount of money. I know it will happen, but not soon enough.

And while family life trudges forward, the summer has felt a million years long but the school year is in sight.

I miss my older kids who in moments of inspired independence have moved too far away to see them often. Even my oldest daughter who is only 30 miles away, is going to school so can't make it out more than a few times a month.

I suppose it makes me try to squeeze as much enjoyment as possible out of the younger crew who are still living at home because one day they will spread their wings and head off into the great unknown called life. And there won't be any others to fill up that void.

Don't get me wrong... I don't want more kids and I honestly can't wait to get this bunch back into school so I have a few minutes alone to do silly things, like think or use the bathroom without inquiry as to where I am.

Occasionally though there are moments that just remind you not to take yourself too seriously.

A couple weeks back while unpacking some boxes I came across a baggie of those magnetic words that you can put up on the fridge and  make sentences out of. We have a stainless steel fridge and have never been able to use them because they dont stick to the front. But in the new house the side of fridge is accessible and I can stick things there.

I put the words up  making sure to remove the ones that I might not want them to use... I had purchased the "Love and Romance" add on set years ago and all those were mixed in. Though in the first day Jeff noted that Jeffrey was simply reading the words out loud and came across "Blow Me" strung together when I put them up. (No I wasnt paying attention)

After that we started getting more g-rated contributions

Katherine's included:
The moon is beautiful in the dark
Peace and Love

Alex added:
Please darling unicorn come laugh on our moon forever

Jeff  thought up:
They might like a dragon for dinner
Eat that monster creature from the boat
he also snuck "Bad Wolf" into the mix (Dr Who fans will appreciate that)

I wrote:
A pink goddess will sing and dance with the mermaid
Celebrate awesome love
Please kiss the bubble monster

And in the middle of all the flowery words and romantic thoughts was Jeffrey's  addition

"I ate a crayon".

Yep, that's my gifted child.