Homework Hell, Part 2

2 - (-3) = 5

Of course this makes perfect sense.

Can you see the sparks and smell the smoke and hear the gears grinding to a halt as I try to explain this to the dynamic duo?

"Well you see children, when you subtract a negative you are actually adding a positive.
It makes perfect sense.
No really.
It does.
No, I'm serious, that's how it works.
The rule is: Two negatives make a positive.
Yes, I know I've said that two wrongs don't make a right, but this is different.
I don't know WHY OK?
Just accept it as fact and finish your homework."

I think I hate homework more than they do.

Probably because I thought I was all finished with school and now here I am spending an hour or more a day on solving Algebra problems, making Neolithic tools, coloring maps of Mesopotamia  and looking up who were the axis and allies of WW2.

Yes, they are doing most of the work but I need to supervise because half the time neither are headed in the right direction and it's easier to cut them off at the pass and send them back 5 or 10 minutes instead of having them redo an hours worth of work done incorrectly.

And that wouldn't be quite so bad if I didn't have to argue with Katherine every 15 minutes about how I am right and she is wrong.

Oh wait...

I got that backwards.... SHE is right and I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.

"MOM, you CANNOT subtract 13 from 3."

My eye begins to twitch.

I try (gently and without irritation) to explain to her that Yes, actually you CAN take 13 from 3. That she has done it for the last 4 problems. Nothing has changed. The number line has not suddenly stopped at zero. She rolled off her chair in frustration, hands on head in a simulated faint. "I don't get it!"

Obviously.

So next I try to explain an easier way to figure out certain problems. A way I was taught when I was kid. A way that makes perfect sense to me and seems ridiculously easy compared to how she was trying to work it out. I am greeted with a raised eyebrow even Spock would be proud of.

Sarah wandered through and whispered "Don't worry Katherine, Mom is Old School.... it's OK if you don't understand what she's saying."

Katherine nods in understanding. "They taught them different back in the day, didn't they?"

Yeah, way back when, when we were learning by firelight and writing on cave walls.
At least then we didn't have to do this crap like charting points on a graph to make a picture.
That even after the 4th attempt the damn thing still looks like a butterfly who was injured in an unfortunate netting accident.
And no matter how we both try we can't seem to figure out what was done wrong.

I'm done.
And so are they.
No one cares that they will not get an A on the graph.
They are just happy that the rest of the work is done and they can each have a homemade cupcake and fall into bed so they can do it all over again tomorrow.

 Hallow-freakin-lou-yah

Never give up.... Never Surrender

You're never too old to try something new.

So say those who are in shape, coordinated and have no shame what-so-ever when it comes to embarrassing oneself.

My overachiever husband, who excels at anything and everything he tries is a 2nd degree black belt in traditional Japanese Karate.

He has a certain sense of style and perfection that he strives for in all the things that he does so he makes it all look so easy.

For years I have wanted to join him at the dojo, but there have always been parental duties that I had to attend to at the times he trained.

My kids have all done karate, some quitting after a few years, others going all the way to black belt. Jeffrey and Katherine train twice a week and Alex goes on Saturday mornings.

Currently Jeff trains 5 days a week and teaches several of those days.

Last week he came home and announced that he would be teaching a beginners class at 9 AM Mondays and Wednesdays and I would finally get my wish to learn the art of self defense.

Finally!

I was going to get my chance to show everyone how easily and efficiently I could learn something new.

People would look at me in awe.

"You've never done this before?"

"That's amazing how quickly you learn and with such skill and perfection, too."

"You're a complete natural."

Yes, I was going to take the karate world by storm. I would get my black belt faster than anyone who came before me and I would be a force to be reckoned with.

I should have gotten a clue as to how my introduction into the world of marital arts was going to go when I discovered my Gi pants wouldn't stay up as I walked.

And the fact that Jeff had to keep saying  "No, your OTHER left hand..... the other one.... the one that's not your right...."

And then today I got sent to the corner to practice blocking and punching while my classmate got to move on to learn a new kicking routine.

Clearly my brain was writing checks that my body couldn't cash. I mean I TRIED to cash them... but they bounced. The truth is that the 3 year old pee-wees look better at this than I do.

But I am determined to use this as a learning experience. I will not quit no matter how embarrassing it is or how much I look like a fish trying to ride a bike. I have usually given up on things in the past that required too much time in the "newbie" phase. If I couldn't do it correctly right off the bat (and look good doing so), then I was through.

I know that's not how you go about learning and growing. If I only work on the things that I am good at from the start than I guess I won't be working on many new things.

Jeff has a shirt with a saying that suddenly has much more depth of meaning than when I first read it:

A black belt is white belt that never gives up.

And I promise to keep saying that as I fall over while trying kick and whack myself in the face while trying to block. It doesn't matter what I look like doing it, as long as I just keep doing it.