Mothers & Daughters ~~ War & Peace

Being that it was my mothers birthday last weekend and Mothers Day this coming weekend, I felt this was a good time for this post.

I usually try to keep personal experiences for this venue upbeat and positive but sometimes that is not where my heart is and other things need to get said.

"One day you're going to have a daughter and she's going to grow up and treat you exactly the same way you treat me and then you'll understand how I feel."

I lost count how many times my mother said that to me. I didn't know a lot back then but one thing I did know was there was no way that was ever going happen to me because I was not going to treat my daughter the way my mother treated me. I was going to raise her differently. My daughter would understand me and I would understand her. We would be best friends and together we would take on the world.

Since the last time I heard that I have learned a thing or two. Not only about my mother but more importantly about how I perceived her.

And all the knowledge that I have gained and the insight and understanding that I have come to have meant nothing at that moment as I sat on my bed, tears trickling down my face as my own daughter repeated many of things to me that I had accused my own mother of doing.

"You only cared about yourself and what you wanted. You gave the good part of yourself to everyone but me and the only part left over was the bad."

I wanted to say so many things. But she was in no mood to hear any of it. She wanted me to listen to her and anything I had to say was coming from, in her opinion, a place of complete lack of understanding of how much she had suffered by my hands.

All I could manage was to tell her was that some day she would understand all the things that had happened and be able to see both sides more clearly.

But as far as she was concerned, she saw everything perfectly clear right now and her opinion would never change because it was the truth. But she did want me to know that she wasn't mad at me anymore and had forgiven me for everything so that should at least make me feel better.

Not so much.

After she hung up and as I sat staring at the phone in my hand all I could wonder was how this happened? Was it the mothers curse?  Passed on from generation to generation from one frustrated mother to angry daughter again and again?

When I was her age I was so sure my mother was wrong about just about everything and completely lacking in any understanding of how I felt or what I had gone through at her hands. I was also bound and determined to tell her about how she had been mean to me, treated me with no respect, never understood what I needed because she only thought of herself. Not the innocent child who was at her mercy.

The similarities were scary.

I realized years later that I did not even begin to understand where my mother was in her life. How she got there. Why she felt and acted the way she did. At the time none of those things mattered because I was the smart one. I was the one who knew more about how life worked and the way things really were. It didn't matter if she was older and had lived through more, seen more, done more. That she had had more heartache, more pain, more disappointment than I had ever had or probably ever would have. She had had life experiences she had never told me about and I didn't learn about until after she was gone. But none of that mattered because I understood life more than she did and that was that.

And now I could hear it my own daughter's voice. All the things I thought and felt at her age were now bubbling out of her in the same frustration and anger that they had bubbled out of me.

And now I knew all the things my mom had felt. All the sadness and heartbreak and confusion about where these feelings could possibly have come from.

This was more confusing to me at this moment because two weeks before my daughter had been in town and everything seemed so wonderful and I felt so completely connected to her. We talked about the fun we used to have, going to the beach, shopping and laughing. I couldn't wait until she moved back to California and we could do it all again.

And now suddenly it was all gone.

I did not know why and I was at a loss as to what to do about it.

But as I have come to understand over the years, life is a fluid and changing entity. Happy and satisfied one moment and angry and vengeful the next. Two sides of the same coin. And if two people aren't standing next to one another then they each see a different side.

I will wait, with a heavy lonely heart much as my own mother had done. Before she got sick and grew increasingly weak with disease and eventually was taken far too young and in far too much pain and suffering for me to really heal the rift that had grown between us.

Now I can only wish for what never was. Wish for healing and for the opportunity to tell her I was sorry I said all those things. Felt all those things. That even though I thought I meant them at the time, I was wrong to have acted the way that I did. I can only ask forgiveness to the quiet empty night and hope she hears me and knows that I loved her with all my heart. And I now understand exactly how she felt and if I could take it all back I would.

Way Back Wednesday ~~ Banjo & Andy

Because I was looking through my moms old "pet album" last week for dog pictures, I came across some of the other pets my parents had back in 1955.

First up is their pet spider monkey "Banjo".
My dad got him from the studio. Apparently the pet show they used to film there often gave away the animals they brought in and my dad was always keen to adopt any that he could.

This picture is kind of fuzzy but its the only one where my mom is holding him.

Banjo lasted a year or so until one day when my mom was trying to put him back into his cage and he didn't want go and bit her on the arms about 20 times. They found him another home after that.

From the same era was their burro "Andy".
Andy was another acquisition from the studio. My mom loved to tell the story of the day my dad brought him home. They lived close to the studio so my dad walked him home but half a block from the house Andy didn't want to go anymore so he sat down in the middle of the road and refused to move. My dad had to leave him there, run home, get some carrots and run back and entice him the rest of the way.
At the time my parents lived out in North Hollywood and had a house with a huge backyard so there was plenty of room for him. When they bought the Hollywood Hills house Andy moved to a local farm.

Back in the day you could send away for a spider monkey through the mail.
I remember seeing this advertisement when I was a kid and WISHING I had $18.95 (and a checking account).
I don't know what I would have told my mom when it showed up but I wasn't thinking that far ahead.
I guess I figured I would worry about that part of the plan once it arrived.

I did, in the other hand, order the seahorses only to have my envelope returned saying there was something wrong with the address.
I was sorely disappointed but never reordered probably because I knew my mom wouldn't be happy with these either.

There was also the story about the time my dad wanted to buy my mom a baby elephant.
(You used to be able to get all kinds of exotics back then).
I have no idea where he thought he was going to keep it or what he was going to do with it once it grew up but I dont think he was thinking any further into the future than I was.
Fortunately my mom found out and talked him out of it.

Happy halfway through the week day!

Way Back Wednesday ~ Dogs of the Past

Keeping with the theme for the week of dogs, I thought I would do some pictures of my parents dogs that they had over the years.

This was one of their first dogs.
Her name was Cookie and she was a pekingese.

Then they got Tuffy who was a toy poodle.

Tuffy had black ears as a baby and when he grew up they turned pure white.

Cookie and Tuffy got together and had a couple litter of puppies.

They included Candy Jane who went to one of my moms best friends:

And Smidgey who they kept until he was an old man:

There were several other puppies (Ting-a-ling, Whitey, Smudge) who also went to their friends.

They took Tuffy everywhere, including all their vacations:

And shared the morning breakfast donut with him:

 When Tuffy was no longer with them, my mom went in search of another dog and found Lo-sten.
They got her out of the pound and the story goes that someone else wanted her to and back then they put the dog up on auction when their were 2 or more interested parties and the dog went to the highest bidder. Because my mother just HAD to have her, my dad kept bidding until the other people gave up. Lo-sten lived a long and happy life and loved my mom with the devotion only a dog can.

They also had a tiny Yorkie Terrier who they rescued from a very bad situation.
His name was Danci and he was already pretty old when he came to be with us.
He lived many years and by the time he passed away he had no teeth and almost no hair.

After Lo-sten and Danci passed away there was a whole other pack of dogs that I grew up with but I will save those for another time!

Have a great Wednesday everybody!!

Way Back Wednesday ~ 1966 (Adoption Day)

Hey there
Hello
We're glad that you could show

OH ouch! Sorry I was channeling a ridiculous song from a Charlie's Angels episode I saw recently and I can't get the dang thing outta my head.

So here we are half way through the first week back to school. And I am not liking having to get up when the alarm tells me instead of when I dang well feel like it.

Welcome to life.

So in honor of this being my birthday month I thought I would post 2 pictures that were taken on the day of my adoption in January 1966. Which just happened to coordinate with my birthday.

First up is my mom holding me in her bathroom. We are both all dressed up and ready to go to court.
On the back of the picture my mother says I am wearing a hat with Marabou feathers on it. Marabous I have discovered are in the stork family, so I wonder if the hat was chosen on purpose. (Being that they were going to officially become my parents that day).

Do I have to mention I still have this hat in it's original hat box? You can't open the lid without becoming covered in small pink feather fuzz.

That chandelier hanging behind my mom stayed in the bathroom for as long as we owned the house. By the end though, it was missing many of the crystals and had lost part of its glamor. The curtains lasted into the 1980s before they were taken down and never replaced.

I might also mention that in all pictures of me as baby, I have red nose. Looks like I have been hitting the bottle a little heavier than necessary.

And here are both my mom and dad holding me at their friends house after court was finished and I was legally theirs. The friends  (Fred and Mary Scott) came to court with us and were one of the people to act as character witnesses telling the judge that they thought my parents would make good parents. They were also the ones to give me the outfit and fancy hat.

Whenever I see this picture, my eyes are drawn to the jars along the top of the paneled wall. I could never figure out what they were doing there. Or what they really were. I sort of thought they were mason jars, but looking more closely, I don't think so. And as usual, I love the old retro chest and cheesy knick knacks.

So I hope your week has been good and the rest of the week will be better!!

Way Back Wednesday ~ 1963

The holidays are upon us.

Even if we aren't ready for them to be.

So I thought I would use my next 2 Way Back posts for Christmas pictures.

This set is from 1963 (maybe 64).

My parents are visiting their best friends of the day Don & Jody Remer.

They had a cool little apartment in the heart of Hollywood.

They also had a poodle named Pierre.

Over the years they had several poodles.

Pierre, Pierre II, Pierre III.... You get the idea.

Here are my parents with Don and Pierre who is sporting a handsome Christmas bow.

Don't you love the the silver tree behind them?

And all the cool cards pinned to the vintage curtains?

Love my dad's 50's tie.

I wonder how long it took for my mom to get ready?

That hair style didn't come easy.

She is wearing her mink stole that my dad bought from her from a furrier in Beverly Hills called AJ Lipsey.

It had her name embroidered inside.

I (of course) still have this but unfortunately it didn't fair particularly well through the years and has a split near the top from where it was hanging. I don't really know what to do with it because I would never wear it but it was so special to her that it feels wrong to sell it.

Here are my mom and Jody (and Pierre) holding gifts.

I wonder what's in them? In the first picture my father is holding the gift that Jody is holding here.

If you look closely you can see a rubber fire hydrant under the tree on the left.

Pierre must have been a good boy this year.

My only question is why the photographer felt it necessary to sit on the floor while taking the picture?

Hope your holidays are going well and that Santa is feeling particularly generous this year.

At least that's what Jeffrey said yesterday.

Hand in there..... only 3 more days 'til Friday!

Way Back Wednesday ~~ 1965

Welcome to Wednesday!

Today I found some Polaroids from October 1965.

I was 9 months old.

These were taken at the home of Francis Lederer who was an old time actor who started his career in the silent films of the 20's and kept right on going all the way through the 1970's. He died in 2000 at the age of 101.

Here is a cool collectors card I found of him when he was in Return of Dracula in the 50's. He was extremely well received in the role.

He was also famous for the house that he built in Canoga Park at the northern end of the San Fernando Valley.

He started it in 1934 with such care and detail taken in every aspect of it's construction that it was considered landmark quality right from the start.

He imported 14th and 15th century Italian and Spanish museum quality art pieces.

He also built a stable on the grounds that in the 1970's was turned into the Canoga Mission Gallery.

The house was damaged in the Northridge earthquake and is still undergoing renovation. 

My parents were invited to his house and allowed to take photographs, which ended up including me!

This first shot is of a painting by Alonso Cano who was a 17th century Spanish artist.

(Geez, I hope I am not touching it!)

This painting is entitled "The Black Madonna" painted in 1605 by Juan Villa Fono from Peru

And here my mom and I are standing in front of an alter that was brought in from a 17th century Spanish church.

This is in front of a leaded glass window.

The house was built to look as if it were centuries old.

This is a beautiful carved mirror with candlesticks.

And the last picture is of my mom and I sitting on a burlap type couch with ornate crests sewn to the back.

There is a carved Madonna and child marble statue on the table behind the couch.

On the back of the picture my mother noted that the living room we were in measured 35' x 50' and had a gorgeous view from the arched picture windows.

Hope you all have a really great hump day!

See you soon!!

Way Back Wednesday ~~ 1958

This is my mom in the late 1950's when she and my dad started one of the first fake fingernail companies.

I still have a box of this somewhere (or at least I think I do). Of course none of the components would be good anymore. Probably most of them are evaporated or congealed. This was a real do-it-yourself kit where you had to mix all the chemicals together correctly then shape the aluminum form around your nail and finally paint the mixture onto the form and let it dry. In my wildest dreams I don't think I could accomplish this with any degree of accuracy. It would just end up a mess.  (But then again, this IS me we are talking about.)

I love the costume jewelry my mom has on. I still have the watch she is wearing in my jewelry box and it actually works. It barely fits around my wrist which even at my thinnest are much bigger than my moms. I do hope to wear it comfortably one day soon.

The photo was taken by a famous Hollywood Glamour photographer named John E Reed. He did a lot of shots for up and coming starlets. I'm sure he and my dad worked together at some point. This is a picture of his studio where the photo was taken which was on the north side of Sunset Blvd near Highland in Hollywood. Not too far from where I went to high school.

Hope you all have a great Wednesday... we're half way to Friday which is plus no matter how you look at it!

Way Back Wednesday ~~ 1971

Today we venture back to my 6th birthday party.

My parents owned what was originally an old motel on Ventura Blvd in Studio City.

They fixed it up to look like an old western town and called in Knaggs Berry Town.

(Their last name was Knaggs, it was on Berry drive and it was supposed to be a town).

Across the street from it was a gay bar called Oil Can Harry's.

My parents became very good friends with Bert the owner.

He was a wonderful man and when my parents were looking for a place to have my 6th birthday he offered the use of his main dance floor. The whole place was only open after 8 at night.

My parents, ever mindful of saving money thought it was a wonderful idea so out went the party invitations inviting a bunch of kindergardeners to a fun filled afternoon at the local (gay) watering hole. Apparently not many people were bothered by it because most of my classmates showed up.

The first picture is me on the pool table. It looks like Ive been having a good time already because my stockings were filthy!

The next 2 pictures are of the piñata portion of the program.

The first one is me having a go at the parrot.

And there's my dad with his usual cigarette.

You can also see ALL the way on the right the Pin the Tail on the Donkey poster.

I think I cheated when I played so I could win.

I'm glad I developed a sense of ethics as I got older because I don't think I had any at this age.

This next picture shows my mom placing the blindfold on a little boy whose name I do not remember.

I do remember that he had a lot of really cool red hair and freckles.

You can't see me in this picture but I CAN see Sally who is still my best friend to this day.

As crazy as it sounds, I still have that skirt that my mom is wearing.

 (I think it's the same one that she is wearing in my first WayBackWed post?)

Don't you just dig that retro yellow daisy wallpaper in the background?

And those pink and blue doors were the bathrooms.

I have a whole tray of slides from this day and I think I may break them out soon and show them to my kids.

They may need some color fixing if I go to develop them but showing them on a big screen in the living room sounds like a lot of fun. 

Now if I just find a slide projector that actually works!

Way Back Wednesday ~~ 1955

November 22 1955
My Parents Wedding

I don't remember whose house this was at, but I think it was in the valley somewhere.... probably North Hollywood.

My dad looks great in his suit with the padded shoulders and I love my moms green taffeta dress and elbow length lace gloves. I am not sure if I still have that dress in storage. I know she would have kept it but I dont recall seeing it.

Can you totally dig that wallpaper? How great is that with all those leaves?

And that armchair on the left that matches it in a completely clashing sort of way!

I would really love to have that chair with the original fabric!

Their wedding gifts are on the right including that wonderful clock.  I really love old clocks and have several.

I like the floorlamp, another piece that would be fun to have. And also the knick-knack shelf behind them I am sure holds some items that would go great in my cabinet of vintage trinkets I have in the den.

My parents were married 36 years when my dad died. I wish it could have been longer.

Way Back Wednesday ~~ 1971

Here is a much more recent picture than last Wednesday.

This is my mom and my cousin Joey. He was Aunt Em's son. He lived with us in the back apartment (maybe 300 sq ft) for several years with his wife and her teenage son. To this day I don't know how they all fit in there.

This photo was taken on Easter Sunday 1971 in our living room.

My mom just loved those long dresses.

The bunny statues (there is a large one and 2 babies) came from the studio (CBS where my parents worked as Make-up artists). They were set dressings for a show that was filmed there and rather than see them thrown out my dad brought them home and we used them every Easter for a quite a while.

I love how my mom has pulled the drapes all the way over behind the chair in an effort to create a background. Those drapes hung on those floor to ceiling windows for 30 years until they were little more than shreds and Jeff and I replaced them.

The chair was  gift from one of the founders of the Tombstone Epitaph newspaper and one of my moms prized possessions... that is until one of our cats decided to use it as a scratching post and destroyed the fabric. Eventually I inherited it and I passed it on to someone who was willing to restore it.

The pictures on the wall were etchings made around the turn of the century.
There were 2 matching ones and they too eventually got passed on to someone who was willing to restore the frames.

I'm sure we were all waiting for a nice honey glazed ham that was cooking in the oven and I was probably in a sugar coma from all the candy that the Easter bunny had brought me.