Thursday, August 19, 2010

Grandma Jeffrey

It's tough when your 9 year old worries more about things than you do.

His scope of concerns run far and wide and encompass not just himself but everyone around him.

He's a Jewish grandma in a little boy suit.

"MOM! Katherine is going out to ride her bike..."

"Yes and?"

"She just finished eating and she will get sick to her stomach if she rides her bike now.. she needs to wait for at least half an hour."

"Jeffrey, thats swimming.... relax."

__________

"Mom, the expiration date on this dressing says it's best if used by today.... why did you put it on my salad? Isn't it going make me sick if I eat it?"

"It's fine Jeffrey, you just had some last night."

"Yes, but last night was yesterday and it hadn't expired yet.. today it's expired.... Are you sure I won't get sick?"

I stifle the urge to say something sarcastic about why anyone would poison him on purpose.

__________

(From the back seat, bobbing and weaving to get a good look at the instrument panel):  "Mom the speed limit is 45 on this street, it looks like you are going almost 50."

(Thank you officer)

(Continuing to crane around to get a good look at the gauges): "Mom, the gas gauge is on empty, aren't we going to run out of gas?"

"It's not completely empty, the light isn't on yet and I plan on stopping for gas as soon as we get off the freeway."

"Yes but what if the light is broken and we run out of gas before we get off the freeway?
We will be stopped in traffic and other people will run into us and the car will be wrecked."

"The light is not broken."

"How do you know?"

"I just do OK?"

"Yes but HOW do you know? Is there some other light that tells you when other lights are broken?
What if ALL the lights are broken?"

You know what kid..you're going to give yourself an ulcer.

_____________

It's not that I don't appreciate the fact that in reality he is just looking out for everyone's health and safety.. it's just that he will never take anyone's word for it when we tell him it's going to be OK.

He is pretty sure that he is the only one of the group who senses danger and if he doesn't warn us all, we will all get sick to our stomachs, die of food poisoning  or be stuck on the highway of life out of gas and helpless because we didn't see the warning signs like he did.

I guess we're all lucky that he's here.

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