Socks, Jeans and Baby Fat

Why am I the only one without socks?

Everyone else in the house has socks.

I open my drawer and there is one pair of socks rolling around and I'm not even sure it matches.

I would blame the ravenous sock eating dryer but that would suggest that it was being selective in the socks it swallowed. I don't exactly give it that much credit.

Of course I could be wrong.

Just like I could be wrong about the fact that it selectively shrinks my clothes too.

I can put any number of items into the dryer and it will only shrink my favorites. And it never shrinks them from side to side... only top to bottom so when I put them on I look like Lulu the clown.

Of course this will all be easier when I finally get into a solid size of smaller clothing. Right now I am between sizes. Mostly everything is too small and I refuse to purchase anything bigger... OK I am between sizes because I'm cheap but thats beside the point .... I do however have these 2 pairs of identical pants. One is, lets say a size 2 and other is a size 4 (dont I wish) with the size 4 being the bigger pair for all you logically challenged people out there.

I can take size 4 out of the dryer and slide into them and they fit perfect. Snug in the right places, comfortably loose in others. Fast forward 2 hours and the waist has loosened up and is hanging somewhere south of the top of my underwear (which I guess would be fine if I was wearing a lacy pink thong but I tend to go more for the comfy cotton briefs these days and I dont think anyone wants to see those. Not that anyone wants to see a lacy pink pair of thongs on someone who needs to lose weight, but I digress).

But anyway here am waddling around trying to keep my pants from slipping to homeboy level which is about 3 inches below the bottom of my rear end and wondering why I didn't wear the size 2 jeans in the first place. Then I remember that it takes hours until I can button the top button and be able to take a normal breath. Of course once I get to that point they fit perfect and dont have the migratory habits of the larger pair. I just have to remember to wear a long shirt if I go out of the house to keep someone from thinking I was either forgetful after using the bathroom or I just got caught in the middle of a quickie and didn't quite get it all together yet.

I keep telling myself that these issues will all be long forgotten when I lose this extra baby fat Ive got going on. Alright so my baby is 9 years old but I still think of him like my baby and therefore I can refer to my pudge as baby fat.

It sounds so much better that way.

Helmets Ahoy

"I want to wear a helmet when I try out the bike in the garage" Jeffrey announced referring to the new spin bike we had just purchased.

Well alrighty then, I didn't realize I had invited him to try it.

I also didn't realize that his feet could reach the pedals.

"You don't have to wear a helmet when you ride that bike"

"Why not?"

"Because you only wear a helmet when there is a possibility or think you might fall."

"Well I expect to fall.. thats why I want a helmet."

A kid with a plan thats what I like.

"Um Jeffrey?"

"Yes"

"I hate to break it to you but you wont fit on the bike in the garage. You're legs aren't long enough."

"I know..... thats why I need the helmet."

Well who can argue with that?

New Year Musings

So Welcome to the New Year.

I swear I was just posting this same thing a few weeks ago.

Its been quite a year and because of that I really didn't do nearly as much as I wanted to with my blog.

I am counting on this year to be less stressful and more satisfying.

Life with the kids is just as fun and entertaining though.

Sometimes I think my mind was just created to be dirty because I can twist so many things into a double entendre its not even funny.. well maybe a little funny....

The other day Jeffrey & Katherine were discussing the merits of different types of candy. Jeffrey expressed a desire to try jawbreakers. Katherine in her childlike innocence said "Oh I dont think I'd like jawbreakers. I don't like to put anything round in my mouth. Especially if its hard. Because you have to suck on it and suck on it until it finally gets small enough to swallow. I just don't think I would like that."

Um, yeah, OK. I had to leave the room. I'm sorry kids that your mother has a mind that wanders into the x-rated territory probably more than it should.

In other news......

I am on the weight loss band wagon for real right now. Im wearing the Bodybugg so it can tell me how lazy I have been and motivate my sorry behind to move more often. Its working. We bought a Lemond spin bike so we can do cardio at home and not have to haul ass to the gym just to walk on the treadmill.

Jeff has been an avid biker most of his life and really loves being able to be on a bike again, even if its not actually going anywhere. At least he wont get hit by a car which seems to happen to an awful lot of people out here in our neck of the woods.

I also have biked in the past.... when I lived in Hollywood I used the Hollywood Reservoir to ride and loved it. But its been years since then and getting back on a bike has proven quite taxing on the rear end. Its going to take a couple of days to get used to it. It hurts to sit on anything right now.

I got me some super cool biking shoes too. The kind that lock into the pedals. I feel important and professional!

The first bike shop we went to had a complete jerk ass working there who took one look at my out of shape self and decided he not only didn't have to be nice to me, but could talk to me like I was an idiot as well. Telling me that the new shoes clips Jeff was buying for his shoes wouldn't go on my regular tennis shoes, that I would need to buy a pair of REAL biking shoes...no shit sherlock.

But yesterday I got lucky in the way women love to get lucky. We stopped into a bike shop in our travels out to Ventura and lo and behold not only was the guy working there nice to me, but he found me a pair of $189 Cannondale bike shoes in my size on sale for $49. And then he came back and said we were in extra luck because on Tuesdays between noon and 2 they had a lunch special and we got an extra 10% off. BONUS POINTS!!

Take that mean guy at the other store! I now know where I will be taking my business from now on.

Merry Christmas!

Help yourself to a cookie



Leo wishes everyone a mellow and relaxing day!



Ally on the other hand practices the evil eye on the one who has brought forth such shame and humiliation.
Sorry kitty!

Dollhouses & Barns

After I gave up Little People, I moved onto the Marx line of toys.
I had the lithographed metal colonial dollhouse:



I also had a one story but cannot find an image of it anyplace.

Along with the house I had one of the Happy Time Barns. I was so sad when I discovered it had been sold one day. I realized I hadn't played with it in probably years but I would have liked to have kept it.

This isn't the exact model I had but I cant seem to locate it right now and I was tired of wading through pictures of Karl MARX when I was searching, no matter that I said I was looking for a TOY not where a communist leader kept his cows.

Favorite Toys of my Childhood

Seeing that its Christmas and my kids are all clamoring for this toy or that game I figured I would reminisce about the toys I loved back in the late 60's and early 70"s (and maybe a little beyond).

The first toys that I can remember being head over heals about was the Fisher Price Little People sets.

I had the Airport




and the Village.






I spent hours and hours playing with them. Making up stories or just arranging the little people.
I look at the sets today and they just dont hold a candle to these old classics.

I plan on adding quite a few other toys in the next few days so please keep checking back!

Me of Little Faith

Obsessive.

Horribly, deeply, beyond normal obsessive.

Thats me.

Once I get started down a path I cant seem to change direction.

I'm still in a tizzy about my eye. I check it a hundred times a day as if by some miracle it will suddenly become crystal clear and forgo the entire healing process. Yes thats me walking around with one eye closed evaluating distance, clarity, smearing, ghosting etc to see if it's gotten better in the last 15 minutes.

I know for a fact that it takes weeks and usually more like a couple of months until it can be considered healed enough to evaluate the final outcome.

Doesn't matter though. I want to know now how its going to turn out now. Because in my convoluted mind if it's not good now then its not going to be good in the future. So it had better shape up and get to where it needs to be or else I am going to drive myself crazy.

Oh yes, and anyone I live with or talk to on a daily basis will also join me in loony-ville.

I guess the problem is I dont do well with unknowns. I need to know exactly what the story is and how its going to end before I read the first page. I'm surprised I enjoy some of the TV reality shows as much as I do.

But I get around the small inconvenience of not knowing who is going to be the Biggest Loser, Last Survivor, First to get to the pit-stop for this leg of the race etc by watching the last 2 minutes of the weekly show before I start at the beginning.

You may wonder why on EARTH I would do that.... its because it gives me a certain sense relaxation while I watch the show knowing that when so-and-so is professing that he has the perfect plan and knows exactly who is going home this week, I can be laughing knowing the plan has no chance in hell of working. I dont get worked up worrying and wondering whats going to happen.

See I told you I was a little on the over the top side.

It started long ago. I have this memory of when I was about to turn 5 years old. My parents had brought the biggest box I had ever seen and put it up on top of the refrigerator. They told me it for my birthday party the next day and they were not going to tell me what it was. No matter what.

The gauntlet was thrown down and I was never one to pass up a challenge. I can remember laying on the floor, crying, sobbing, BEGGING for them to tell me. I flung myself on the sofa. I curled up in a corner. I pulled every trick in the book.

And as to be expected my mother reluctantly gave in and brought the box down and showed me the brand new, totally retro, extra cool sleeping bag they had bought for me at Orbachs. I slept well that night. My parents on the other hand probably tossed and turned all night wondering what kind of little monster they were raising.

I have a picture of me at my birthday party the next day, lifting the lid with the biggest look of happy surprise on my face... as if it the contents were totally unexpected. I deserve an Oscar for that performance (either that or a good slap upside the behind).



In truth though, it wasn't so much that I wanted to know what was in the box because I thought it was good, I wanted to know because I was afraid it would be something bad. Then I would have spent the whole night being excited only to be let down the next day when I opened it up and found out it was a years supply of knee socks.

I know how to fix the life is like a box of chocolates problem too.... I cut all the pieces in half before I get started so I dont accidentally bite into one with marzipan or hazelnuts.

There are just some things I'm not willing to leave up to chance.