Friday, January 8, 2010

Socks, Jeans and Baby Fat

Why am I the only one without socks?

Everyone else in the house has socks. What about me?

I open my drawer and there is one pair of balled up socks rolling around and I'm not even sure if it's a matched set.

I would blame the ravenous sock eating dryer but that would suggest that it was being selective in the socks it swallowed. I don't exactly give it that much credit.

Of course I could be wrong.

Just like I could be wrong about the fact that it selectively shrinks my clothes too.

I can put any number of items into the dryer and it will only shrink my favorites. And it never shrinks them from side to side... only top to bottom so when I put them on I look like Lulu the clown.

Of course this will all be easier when I finally get into a solid size of smaller clothing. Right now I am between sizes. Mostly everything is too small and I refuse to purchase anything bigger... OK I am between sizes because I'm cheap but thats beside the point .... I do however have these 2 pairs of identical pants. One is, lets say a size 2 and other is a size 4 (dont I wish) with the size 4 being the bigger pair for all you logically challenged people out there.

I can take size 4 out of the dryer and slide into them and they fit perfect. Snug in the right places, comfortably loose in others. Fast forward 2 hours and the waist has loosened up and is hanging somewhere south of the top of my underwear (which I guess would be fine if I was wearing a lacy pink thong but I tend to go more for the comfy cotton briefs these days and I dont think anyone wants to see those. Not that anyone wants to see a lacy pink pair of thongs on someone who needs to lose weight, but I digress).

But anyway here am waddling around trying to keep my pants from slipping to homeboy level which is about 3 inches below the bottom of my rear end and wondering why I didn't wear the size 2 jeans in the first place. Then I remember that it takes hours until I can button the top two buttons and be able to take a normal breath. Of course once I get to that point they fit perfect and dont have the migratory habits of the larger pair. I just have to remember to wear a long shirt if I go out of the house to keep someone from thinking I either forget to do up those 2 buttons after using the bathroom or I just got caught in the middle of a quickie and didn't quite get it all together yet.

I keep telling myself that these issues will all be long forgotten when I lose this extra baby fat I've got going on. Alright so my baby is 9 years old but I still think of him like my baby and therefore I can refer to my pudge as baby fat.

It sounds so much better that way.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Helmets Ahoy

"I want to wear a helmet when I try out the bike in the garage" Jeffrey announced referring to the new spin bike we had just purchased.

Well alrighty then, I didn't realize I had invited him to try it.

I also didn't realize that his feet could reach the pedals.

"You don't have to wear a helmet when you ride a bike like that"

"Why not?"

"Because you only wear a helmet when there is a possibility or think you might fall."

"Well I expect to fall.. thats why I want a helmet."

A kid with a plan thats what I like.

"Um Jeffrey?"


"I hate to break it to you but you wont fit on the bike in the garage. You're legs aren't long enough."

"I know..... thats why I need the helmet."

Well who can argue with that?

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

New Year Musings

So Welcome to the New Year.

I swear I was just posting this same thing a few weeks ago, not 12 months ago.

Its been quite a year and because of that I really didn't do nearly as much as I wanted to with my blog.

I am counting on this year to be less stressful and more satisfying.

Life with the kids is just as fun and entertaining though.

Sometimes I think my mind was just created to be dirty because I can twist so many things into a double entendre its not even funny.. well maybe a little funny....

The other day Jeffrey & Katherine were discussing the merits of different types of candy. Jeffrey expressed a desire to try jawbreakers. Katherine in her childlike innocence said "Oh I dont think I'd like jawbreakers. I don't like to put anything round in my mouth. Especially if its hard. Because you have to suck on it and suck on it until it finally gets small enough to swallow. I just don't think I would like that."

Um, yeah, OK. I had to leave the room. I'm sorry kids that your mother has a mind that wanders into the x-rated territory probably more than it should.

In other news......

I am on the weight loss band wagon for real right now. Im wearing the Bodybugg so it can tell me how lazy I have been and motivate my sorry behind to move more often. Its working. We bought a Lemond spin bike so we can do cardio at home and not have to haul ass to the gym just to walk on the treadmill.

Jeff has been an avid biker most of his life and really loves being able to be on a bike again, even if its not actually going anywhere. At least he wont get hit by a car which seems to happen to an awful lot of people out here in our neck of the woods.

I also have biked in the past.... when I lived in Hollywood I used the Hollywood Reservoir to ride and loved it. But its been years since then and getting back on a bike has proven quite taxing on the rear end. Its going to take a couple of days to get used to it. It hurts to sit on anything right now.

I got me some super cool biking shoes too. The kind that lock into the pedals. I feel important and professional!

The first bike shop we went to had a complete jerk working there who took one look at my out of shape self and decided he not only didn't have to be nice to me, but could talk to me like I was an idiot as well. Telling me that the new shoes clips Jeff was buying for his bike shoes wouldn't go on my regular tennis shoes, that I would need to buy a pair of REAL biking shoes if I wanted clips... no shit sherlock.

But yesterday I got lucky in the way women love to get lucky. We stopped into a bike shop in our travels out to Ventura and lo and behold not only was the guy working there nice to me, but he found me a pair of $189 Cannondale bike shoes in my size on sale for $49. And then he came back and said we were in extra luck because on Tuesdays between noon and 2 they had a lunch special and we got an extra 10% off. BONUS POINTS!!

Take that mean guy at the other store! I now know where I will be taking my biking business from now on.