Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Do you need your toilet unclogged?

So on the first day of school the kids each had to tell something about themselves so that the class would get to know them better.

This got me thinking.. exactly what would I personally say if I had to get up and talk about myself?

I mean, could I actually think of something that wouldn't make people excuse themselves to the bathroom and never come back?

Probably not but these are the things I came up with....

I am afraid of the dark.
My body may live in the present but my imagination lives in a 1940's black and white Hitchcock movie where every dark corner and unopened closet harbor villains plotting my demise.

I am also afraid of spiders.
Yet I am the person everyone calls when there is one in the house that needs to be removed.
And they always want it REMOVED, not squished.
 I am better at the squishing than the removing.

I am also the person they call when the plumbing has stopped working.
But I am not sure I would want to share that tidbit.
"Hello my name is Melora. Do you need your toilet unclogged?"
Not the best conversation starter.

I dont own a bathing suit that fits.
With my figure it's shocking I know.

I am a certified sci-fi geek.
If a movie or TV show has a spaceship in it ~~ I will watch it.
If a cup or T-shirt has Star Trek on it ~~ I will buy it.
If a book takes place in outer space ~~ I will read it.
This factoid has the possibility of boosting bathroom attendance.

I am a fashion disaster.
I don't own a belt and only have one purse.
I own just enough make-up to cover the occasional blemish or be presentable if I have to show up in public and appear somewhat adult.
The only reason I am still allowed to be called a girl is that I can pull the "I birthed 5 children" card and they let the title stand.

I love to eat.
I guess I don't have to announce that.
But I am trying to make it less obvious.
I keep trying to develop that eating disorder where you don't eat because you think you are too fat.
I've got it half right so far.
When I can incorporate the other half,  I might once again own a bathing suit that fits.

I like the way coffee smells.
But I will only drink it if it's drowned in French Vanilla Creamer.
Otherwise it tastes too much like.... coffee. (Go figure).

I secretly want my children to live with me forever.
And at the same time I have a calendar hidden under my bed counting the days until college.

I really like cats.
I have 3 of them.
Every so often it's 3 too many.
I say that about my children sometimes.

I like to write.
I've been writing since I was 4 years old.
I think the blog thing works well for me because my attention span isn't that long and I can finish something before I get distracted by other things....

Do you smell cookies?
I smell cookies....
Be right back.....




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