Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Homework Hell

There are times I would rather sit for a root canal than help with homework.

Jeffrey seems to think that homework is a form of sadistic torture that was designed specifically to destroy his after school life.

No matter how simple the assignment, no matter how little there is to do, it has become something to dread from the moment the school door opens and he is released into the afternoon sunlight.

There seems to be an infinite number of things for him to do before he can settle down and actually get to work once he gets home.

He's starving, he's hot, he's tired, his hand hurts from a traumatic 4 square injury incurred earlier in the day, the cat misses him so he has to spend time with her, he can't find a pencil that works.

The list could go on forever.

When he gets home I will feed him, let him put on shorts, take a 5 minute rest, get some ice for his hand, pet the cat and find him a working pencil.

Then he has to sit and do whatever horrific thing his teacher has assigned without another word.

Well that's the plan anyway.

Today was "write your words in alphabetical order" day. One of our favorites. (not)

After trying to figure out how many different ways there are to sit in a chair without falling off, I was informed that he had no paper.

That will slow you down.

Paper found and provided.

10 minutes later I was informed he didn't have his list of words.

I couldn't figure out exactly what he had been doing for those 10 minutes but whatever it was he was sitting quietly so I guess I cant really complain.

I had him borrow the list from Katherine since they both are using the same ones.

Then he informed me that he had a hard time remembering the alphabet and thats why he hated this particular assignment so much.

Jeffrey, you are 9 years old and the school district in their infinite wisdom and has labeled you gifted and I do not think they were referring to your uncanny ability to drive me up a tree faster than anyone I have ever met.

I told him to sing the alphabet song (in his head) while he was looking for each word and that should fix the problem.

I have discovered Jeffrey has no internal dialog.

After hearing ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOP (etc etc) for the 10th time, I headed into the laundry room to vacuum.
At least it would be quieter.

"MOM!"

(La-la-la... loud vacuum humming..... I don't hear anything)

"MOM!!!"

(Off goes the vacuum.)

"WHAT?"

"Are you going to be making all that noise right now?"

(Is this a rhetorical question?)

"Well I was planning on it...why?"

"I can't work under these conditions."

(You can't WORK under these conditions????
What have you been doing, talking with your union rep?)

I stuck my head around the corner and the look on my face must have said a lot more than any of words I was trying hard not to say.

"Ummmmm never mind.. it's OK.... I got it.
You can continue....."

He better "got it".. because at this point if he didn't, I was going to give it him.

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