Friday, October 1, 2010

I'm hiring a Press Secretary

In my latest campaign bid for Mother-of-the-Year it has come to light that there has been some bad press recently due to my actions and policies.  It was suggested that perhaps I could benefit from someone who is gifted in the art of diplomacy to explain exactly why I do what I do; the motives behind my actions.

In other words, get the people to ignore my policies and focus instead on the caring motivations behind them. You know, to make me look as good as possible.

Therefore I've decided to hire a Press Secretary.

Here are a few of the press announcements I envision:

"In an effort to promote a safe living and working environment, today MOM has passed a law disallowing all toys and clothes to be left on the ground. This comes after several close calls by citizens who became entangled with items left on the floor of a bedroom and lost their footing. MOM feels this is a necessary action to keep all citizens safe and accident free."

"In another ground breaking announcement, MOM has loosened the restrictions on child labor laws due the recent allegations that children have become lazy and are losing direction in their after school life. MOM does not want this dangerous trend to continue so she has allowed the assignment of extra chores to be carried out after homework is finished. MOM feels this will help the children once again regain a sense of purpose and well being."

"Effective immediately: MOM has changed the curfew from 9PM to 8:30 PM. This is after several studies have shown that too much noise and excitement late into the evening can cause the citizens anxiety and therefore find it difficult to create an environment conducive to sleep. MOM is very concerned that the citizens of the household get a full and adequate nights sleep so that they can function well in their daily activities."

I'm also working on some campaign slogans

MOM.... no matter how loud she yells, she still loves you

Remember...when MOM is happy, everyone is allowed to be happy.

MOM MOM, She's our man...if she can't do it, no one can!

(HMMMmmmm not too sure about that last one)

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