Thursday, December 23, 2010

2 Days and Counting

Heard in the car today:

"What are you doing?"

"Where are you going?"

"Why are you stopping?"


"Get out of my way..."

"Get your foot off the brake!"

"Who taught you to drive.. my grandmother?"

There were several "sentence enhancers" thrown in for good measure but since I try to keep this family oriented I figured I should leave them out.. no matter how important they were for getting my point across in the moment.

All that drama and the kids weren't even with me.

I shopped more today than I have the entire year put together.

My feet and my sanity paid the price.

But I did have good parking mojo which was fortunate because I made 12 stops which means 12 times I had to enter parking lots that were filled with people who think they can park like the stunt drivers in car commercials. You know the ones.... the car comes careening down the aisle doing about 60, slams on the brakes and does a drifting sideways skid into a spot that someone else was just turning into?
Yeah, those.

But my mojo only worked in the parking lots. Everyplace else, not so much.

I spilled food on myself (now theres a shocker) so I had to keep my heavy sweater on to cover the fact I'm a slob and I about passed out from over heating in one of the stores. I had to buy a lightweight shirt so I could finish shopping.

And then I ended up in Target at the same time that the local "adult day care" facility had a field trip. I was scoping out the toy section when I suddenly found myself the object of attention of one of the field tripees. He was wearing a crash helmet, carrying a teddy bear and smiling like it was Christmas morning. (He was 2 days early).

He introduced himself as Sam and followed me around asking me questions. He told me how pretty I was and wanted to know if I wanted to come back on the bus and have dinner with him.

Right about then his supervisor showed up and herded him back with the others.

After 7 hours of schlepping I finally made it home. Just in time to cook dinner. Lucky me.

Maybe I should have taken Sam up on his offer.

I think I may pass out now.

I still have to wrap everything I bought today and pray that I don't have to go out again tomorrow.

And since the kids can't wrap their own stuff, and wrapping is one of the few things Jeff admits to not being able to do, I'm on my own.

So it's late now and as I sit here sharing the desk chair with Wednesday (she has more of the chair than I do) I realize I better get my self to bed because I have an awful lot of elf duties tomorrow which go beyond wrapping and into cookie baking, mother-in-law entertaining and sanity finding.

I might have trouble with that last one.


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