Thursday, March 17, 2011

Angry Birds? No ~~ Angry Human!!

There is an outright conspiracy to keep me from sleeping.

I just know that someone is paying a nitwit bird to sit outside my bedroom window starting at 4 AM and twitter and chirp and scream frenetically until just before the alarm goes off. At which time he closes shop and heads back to the nest.

It's pitch black outside and this feathered assassin finds it amusing to let go with every sound, every vocal gymnastic, every noise that he can possibly come up with.

I have no idea what kind of bird it is, but I did not think it was possible for one single creature to make so much racket in so many different languages.

Honestly, I am not a violent person but as I lay there with my head under a pillow, I imagine all sorts of torture I could bestow on this creature. If I weren't afraid of zombies, I mean the dark, I would march out there, figure out where he is and throw something hard and large in his direction while screaming well deserved obscenities at the top of my lungs. In my fantasy I see myself making contact and watching his little bird body go flying off to parts unknown ala Angry Birds style.

I swear I cant be the only person in this little cul de sac that is bothered by the pre-dawn wake up call. I think maybe everyone might actually thank me.

Either that or show up outside with a shotgun ready to take me down because I'm a bigger and easier target.

If I don't get some sleep soon I swear I will not be responsible for my actions. Not guilty by reason of insanity.

I wonder if it would fly in court?


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