Tuesday, March 1, 2011

You cannot change the laws of physics, Captain.

What is it with the breakfast table? I think it has a magnetic pole that draws to it all stray papers, books, pencils, unfinished milk glasses, used napkins, magazines, bread crumbs and any number of different items too numerous to mention.

I don't care if I clean it down to the placemats in the evening, by the end of the next day I can't see the wood through the vast array of things that have found their way there.

And who leaves these misplaced items?

Well if there's anyone out there who knows they don't live in MY house.


"What??"  he calls from across the house.

 "Why is this Garfield book on the table?"

"I don't know, I wasn't reading that one."

Strange how he can see through walls.

"Neither was I" comes another voice before I can even inquire.

OK, well I know their dad wasn't reading it, Alex hasn't left his room since he got home and I know for sure that I haven't had the time for guilty pleasures like Garfield so I'm guessing the neighbor kid must have come in while I wasn't looking and gone into their room, found Jeffrey's favorite book, snuck out to the table, read it while no one was looking then left it there just to drive us crazy. Which around here wouldn't take too much gas.

Dinner tonight and the table is a jumble of who knows what. I call the two of them in and ask them to please clean it off so I can serve dinner on a flat surface. For some odd reason they scurry right in and before I can dish out the first plate of meatloaf the whole thing is clean as a whistle.

MY MY, I am SO impressed.

Dinner is served, eaten and somehow the dirty dishes all reach the kitchen without my having to remind anybody.

I go about my business, shuffling laundry to where it needs to go, checking my auctions on eBay, trying to pry Alex away from his homework so HE can eat. In my travels I passed by my rolltop desk and came to a dead stop.

Every item from the table had been placed in a pile on top of my laptop, on my chair and there were even 2 things on the floor next to the drawers.

I can't be sure but I think steam may have started to shoot out my ears.


Two little heads peer around the corner.

"What on EARTH is this mess??"

"You told us to clean off the table."

"Yes but I didn't tell you to put everything on my desk!"

"Where should we put it?"

"I don't know.. perhaps where it belongs?"



"We didn't think of that. You could have just told us to do it like that in the first place."

My turn for silence. Deep breath.

"OK well I'm now telling it to you in the second place."

Eventually they got it all put away but not without a couple of raised voices about who left what where. Both agreeing that even though neither of them did it, they would put it away anyway since it was the right thing to do. I'm not sure whether to be proud of them or smack my forehead.

If I could change the laws of physics I would try to somehow break the magnetic junk force that this table seems to possess but until then I will have to try to keep a closer eye on things before they get out of hand.

OH yeah, and put a lock on the door to keep out that pesky neighbor kid.

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