Friday, April 8, 2011

Arachnophobia or Beware of the Blob

It is a well known fact I that I do not like spiders.

They give me the creeps and I have a hard time not squishing them on sight.

The universe seems to know this so of course I consistently find spiders everywhere as if being told to "get over it already".

Sorry, not going to happen.

But the universe keeps trying just the same.

Two nights ago I was in bed, about to turn off the light when I glance up at the ceiling and there hanging out in the corner is a rather large black blob with a whole lot of legs.

I called Jeff to rescue me but his only advice was not to worry because he doubted that the spider would suddenly fall off the ceiling.

I beg to differ, I often fall off the floor while I am right side up so it doesn't seem to too far fetched to fall off the ceiling when you are hanging upside down.

Unfortunately the blob was all the way at the top of the vaulted ceiling and there was no getting him down, dead OR alive, so I would just have to live with his presence and go to sleep.

As soon as the light went out, my mind went to work. I could just see the little bugger trekking along the edge of the ceiling until he was over my bed at which time he would let go and float down with his too many legs to land right on my pillow and then proceed to crawl all over my face.

It was official, I was never going to get any sleep.

Eventually I found something else to think about and come morning I woke and realized I didn't have tiny little spider footprints on my forehead nor a bad taste in my mouth after he crawled in there and got stuck.

Alls well that ends well.

Until last night when I was in bed just about to turn out the light and I looked up and saw him again this time hanging out over the doorway to the closet. Lower and more accessible this time. Where's the vacuum? That should do it.

Jeff was called in but he dismissed the vacuum idea because the kids were sleeping and he was certain that the spider meant no harm and would eventually find his way outside and that would be that.

Another bought of restless tossing and turning as I imagined being covered in spider cooties.

Come this morning and last nights fears were forgotten so I went about my business until I decided to hop in the shower.

I put the heater on in the bathroom, set out my towel, stepped into the warmth and began soaking up the hot water.

AHHHHHHHhhhhhhhh...... this is the life. Just what I needed. Let my troubles wash off and go right down the drain. Lather up my hair with good smelling shampoo. Oh yeah! Feels good!

Right up until I looked down and see Mr. Blob pulling his water soaked carcass across the shower floor a mere 2 inches from my toes. And he was bigger and scarier up close.

Not sure if I mentioned this before but we have perhaps the smallest shower in existence. If you bend over your butt will knock the door open and there will be an enormous flood in the bathroom.

This did not stop me from dancing around like an idiot, hopping from one foot to the other trying to avoid the blob as he was being tossed and tumbled about by the shower spray. Somehow I couldn't get myself to turn off the faucet because I kept thinking, "If I turn off the water he will be able to run and head straight for me. And I cant get out because my hair is full of shampoo, I'm soaking wet and I will drip all over the floor".

Funny the things that your brain focuses on in a crisis. I'm lucky the house wasn't on fire because the firemen would have had to pull me kicking and screaming out of the burning building because I didn't want to get the floor all soapy.

I thought about yelling for Jeff but realized not only wouldn't he hear me, but he would probably die laughing in the process.

More hopping and yelling and splashing about on my part.

Until I looked down just in time to see the last of the blob swirling down the drain.

I stopped and immediately felt bad. But that was immediately followed by a fear of what happens if he is able to climb back up after the shower turns off and take revenge on me for trying to drown him? Will he lay in wait until the next time I step in and then jump out and sink his fangs into my foot? Would I feel OK about drowning him then?

Clearly having more spider encounters does not lessen my fear or make me more accepting of their presence. All it does is prove to myself how irrational my mind can be when under stress.

I finally managed to get the shampoo out of my hair and compose myself enough to step calmly out of the shower and dry off like a sane and rational person.

I did however Google whether or not spiders could survive if washed down the drain and was relieved to discover that it was highly unlikely.

So now I can take future showers without worry of arachnids laying wait to seek revenge upon my toes.

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