Friday, September 2, 2011

Saturday in the Car Park

I was at Costco the other day, picking up our weekly supply of Family Size items, herding the kids around and trying to get done as quickly as possible.

We made it into the parking lot and I was feeling pretty good about how well everything had gone.
I didn't lose anyone, I didn't have to yell at anyone, I didn't drop a 25 pound bag of flour on the floor and then have to pretend it wasn't me. Just overall a good shopping trip.

We were about half way down one of the parking aisles when I realized I couldn't remember where I parked.
I stopped so fast Katherine ran right into me.


 I tried to say I was using it as a real world example of what momentum was... you know, any opportunity is a teaching opportunity I always say.

No the kids didn't buy it either.

Not wanting to let on that I had been overcome with sudden onset Alzheimer's I tried to act nonchalant and began digging for my keys.

"Mom, did you forget where we parked?"

Nothing gets past Jeffrey.

"No, did you?"

I was trying to remember something about where I parked. Was I going up or down? Was I parked near tree? A sign? The basket return?

And I tell my kids to pay attention.

The lot was a giant ocean and my car was lost, adrift on the current.

I found my keys and performed the classic "Hold them over your head and hope you see some lights flashing or hear horns honking" routine.


This is when I realized there had been a lady creeping along next to me apparently waiting to score my spot.

This didn't make her happy so she floored it up the aisle and out of sight.

"Hey mom I think that lady was waving at you."

Yeah, the one finger wave. My favorite.

I turned around and realized that a parade of other cars had formed behind me.

 I crossed through the parked cars pretending that I suddenly remembered where I was.

Two cars took off at top speed and tried to beat each other around to other aisle.

A-HA! There it is! I saw it!

I rushed forward, clicking "open" on my key ring and grabbed the back handle of the door only to have my fingers bend backwards, break a nail and realize this was not my van.

Why do so many people drive blue Honda minivans out here?

Another line of cars had begun to form and the kids were looking at me and I was becoming a stressed mess.
I waved the cars away "NO. NO I'm not leaving, just came to the car get to get something, I'm going back inside".

"Why do we have to go back in?" Jeffrey wanted to know. "I thought we were done?  Mom? Mom?"

Now my only choice is trudge up and down the aisles and I'm annoyed because I'm sweating all over my clean shirt, my groceries are going to be a melted mess by the time I get them home and the kids now know for sure that their mother is not perfect.

Yes up until this very moment my children have thought of me as a combination of Einstein and the virgin Mary... a genius without faults.

It's true and you cant tell me otherwise.

Suddenly all the way at the end of one of the aisles that I swear I have never driven down in my life, I spot the blue boat. I rush forward, click my keys, hear the honk and feel the joy of a kid on Christmas morning.

I load the kids in, load the groceries in and then some jerk honks at me because I'm taking too long.

I hurry into the drivers seat, back out, pretend Im not driving a minivan and pass him like I'm on the Indy Speedway.

"Hey mom.. that guy was waving at you too."

Yeah, I know... There seems to be a lot of that going on lately.

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