Monday, March 28, 2011

Here Comes the Sun

If I turned the volume up on the radio any louder my ears would bleed.
And I would still be able to hear the moaning drifting out of the back seat.

"My eyes... my eyes....

ACK!!! OW OW OW !!!!

I'm going blind... I can't see anything!

HELP ME!!!!"

"Jeffrey for Pete's sake, will you hold it down. I can't help that the sun is shining.
As soon as the we turn it will be out of your face.
In the mean time close your eyes."

"I can still see it with my eyes closed."

He's got super powers.
I didn't know that.

"I don't have any sun on my side of the car."

Thank you Katherine, but that doesn't help.

"Yeah, how come she gets to sit over there... there isn't any sun over there.
As a matter of fact there's never any sun on her side....That's not fair!"

"Thats because we like her better than you and thats one of the perks."

"MOM!"

"Jeffrey, I cannot control the sun.
Tomorrow you can trade sides with Katherine and she will ride over there."

Katherine, ever the team player, noted that she liked where she was sitting and didn't want to trade.

I informed her that she did.

Alex looked pained as he glanced at his watch.

"Is there a problem?"

"Umm, no, just wondering how much longer til we get there."

"You're not enjoying your ride this morning?"

"Well sure, I mean who wouldn't right?"

Exactly. Blaring music, whining children. What more could one ask for at 7:30 AM.

For starters, to be asleep in bed snuggled under my quilt. Quiet. Relaxed. Serene.

"MOM! Katherine made a face at me just because I said she looked funny with her hair pulled up in horsetail like that...."

"It's a PONY tail and I do NOT look funny. YOU look funny."

Tomorrow Jeff drives.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Dance like no one is watching

Apparently driving to school in the morning is a boring and tedious task that requires one to invent out of the ordinary things to amuse oneself.

I was about halfway to school when I glanced in the rear-view mirror and was met with 2 completely contorted faces. One eye was squished shut and one side of their mouths was curved up into a half smile with their tongue out and waggling back and forth on their cheeks.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to lick our eyebrows."

There was a few moments of silence as I contemplated their ability to accomplish this. I also momentarily thought about telling them if they weren't careful their faces might stick like that but realized Jeffrey might think that would be cool and try to keep his face like that as long as possible.

I chose to avoid looking in the mirror.

I had to stop at the market after dropping off Alex and before I got them to their destination.

I got them into the store and even managed to arrive at the right aisle without incident. I found what I needed and was heading towards the register when the background music suddenly changed from boring elevator music to that song "You've got to move it, move it".

Within 5 seconds Jeffrey had broken out into one his dances and was bopping up and down in the aisle.

I made a hard left turn hoping to lose him but no such luck.

We arrived at the register and he continued to bop and bounce away in rhythm to the beat.

Katherine suddenly found the tabloids very interesting as she moved slowly away from him hoping no one she knew would see her in his presence.

I'm not sure if Jeffrey thinks he lives in an invisible bubble that no one can see into but when we got to the cashier and she smiled and laughed at him, he suddenly froze, looked around and a little louder than necessary said

"I was just kidding." And promptly attached himself  my hip.

The people in line all giggled at him which caused him to burrow even deeper against me.
I tried to shake him off so I could pay with both hands but no such luck. He stayed attached all the way to the car.

"Jeffrey, why do you bop around like that if you don't want to people to see you?"

"I don't know... I just hear the music and I cant help myself. My feet have a mind of their own. Music makes me happy."

I realized at that moment that he is a living example of that age old saying "To dance like no one is watching."

At least until he opens his eyes and realizes that everyone is. Now I just need to teach him not to care.




Thursday, March 17, 2011

Angry Birds? No ~~ Angry Human!!

There is an outright conspiracy to keep me from sleeping.

I just know that someone is paying a nitwit bird to sit outside my bedroom window starting at 4 AM and twitter and chirp and scream frenetically until just before the alarm goes off. At which time he closes shop and heads back to the nest.

It's pitch black outside and this feathered assassin finds it amusing to let go with every sound, every vocal gymnastic, every noise that he can possibly come up with.

I have no idea what kind of bird it is, but I did not think it was possible for one single creature to make so much racket in so many different languages.

Honestly, I am not a violent person but as I lay there with my head under a pillow, I imagine all sorts of torture I could bestow on this creature. If I weren't afraid of zombies, I mean the dark, I would march out there, figure out where he is and throw something hard and large in his direction while screaming well deserved obscenities at the top of my lungs. In my fantasy I see myself making contact and watching his little bird body go flying off to parts unknown ala Angry Birds style.

I swear I cant be the only person in this little cul de sac that is bothered by the pre-dawn wake up call. I think maybe everyone might actually thank me.

Either that or show up outside with a shotgun ready to take me down because I'm a bigger and easier target.

If I don't get some sleep soon I swear I will not be responsible for my actions. Not guilty by reason of insanity.

I wonder if it would fly in court?


Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Way Back Wednesday ~ 1958


I found this picture in an album my mom made for my dad of some of the different crews he worked on over the years.

This was from 1958 on the set for a show called "Ladies Fair".

I have looked everywhere and can't find any reference for it so either it was extremely short lived or it was a one time special. Either way I really love the old camera and everyone's very cool clothes. Notice only one lady in the crew? I wonder if she was hostess.

My dad is sitting on the floor in the white shirt with the arrow pointing to him.

I am assuming it was shot at the KNXT studios on the corner of Sunset and Gower in Hollywood.

Here's an old color shot of the studios around the time the above picture was taken:


I spent so much time in this building. I would often come here after school and watch TV in the make-up room until my dad could drive me home. I remember going up the roof (the tallest one above the CBS logo) and dropping small pebbles onto the sidewalk so people would look up and I would duck down so no one could see me..

Yeah, hooligan in the making.. that was me.

In the course of looking for information it seems they have closed this building down which is sad. I knew every nook and cranny, every shortcut through the soundstages to get to the cafeteria the fastest..places to hide so I could read a book or pretend I was lost in some vast warehouse with no way to get out and evil villains were looking for me.

Another part of childhood gone.

At least I have some pictures to remember it by.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Double Double, Toil and Trouble

There are some mornings that no amount of warm vanilla creamy coffee can make more tolerable.

Sometimes the dynamic duo simply is not in the mood to share the same space. And they let me know in no uncertain terms.

It was a cloudy,  misty morning as we headed on our way to school today and apparently the back seats mood was reflective of the weather.

I was discussing the finer points of Macbeth with Alex when drifting up from behind me comes grumping and complaining.

I stopped talking and the back seat stopped talking. I started up again and so did the back seat.

"What is going on?"

"Katherine is staring at me."

"I am not.... I'm just looking over there and I can't help it if your face is in my way."

Really? This early in the morning and you two are already finding ways to annoy each other?

"Please stop looking at each other. At least until we get to school."

There that should fix that.

Back to Shakespeare.

"MOM!!!"

I glance in the back seat and Katherine has her backpack lifted up onto her shoulder, resting against her head.

"Katherine what are you doing?"

"Nothing."

I've noticed that they each put a lot of effort into doing nothing.

"Please put that down and look out your window. If I have to stop suddenly that backpack is going to fly through the air and hit Alex in the head."

She debated on whether or not that would fun to watch but when she caught my eye in the rear view she reluctantly dumped the pack on the floor and turned to look out her window.

Finally. Maybe the rest of the trip would be quiet.

Alex noted that the car carrier driving along side of us was headed to the Jeep dealer in the automall.

"Look at all those different types of Jeeps. Theres the classic, the rugged and then look at the new ones, that one is kind of fluffy and the other one looks squishy."

Really Alex? Fluffy and squishy? Did MacBeth suck up all your brain power this morning?

My sister drives a jeep. I'll have to call and ask her which one she has.. the fluffy one or the squishy one. Of course she'll think I'm a nut job but I guess it won't be too much of a change in opinion.

"MOM!!!"

Seriously... again??

"What now?"

"Katherine is looking out my window. I specifically heard you tell her to look out her own window."

"Katherine can you please look out your own window."

"But there's nothing interesting out my window. Jeffrey always has the good stuff on his side of the car. Can I look out the front window at least?"

"No... you can look out your window and that's my final offer. "

"But Jeffrey can't look out the front window either right?"

They are not going to make it easy this morning are they?

I cranked up the radio and distracted them with some tunes. I dropped Alex off and managed to get them to their destination without much more ado.

Clearly some mornings I need the giant industrial size coffee just to keep me from losing perspective of why I am in the car with them in the first place.

6 hours of no bickering or complaining or negotiating. Until I have to pick them up and do the whole thing in reverse.

As Shakespeare said " Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night til it be morrow." Or the afternoon. Whichever comes first.


Tuesday, March 1, 2011

You cannot change the laws of physics, Captain.

What is it with the breakfast table? I think it has a magnetic pole that draws to it all stray papers, books, pencils, unfinished milk glasses, used napkins, magazines, bread crumbs and any number of different items too numerous to mention.

I don't care if I clean it down to the placemats in the evening, by the end of the next day I can't see the wood through the vast array of things that have found their way there.

And who leaves these misplaced items?

Well if there's anyone out there who knows they don't live in MY house.

"Jeffrey,,,?"

"What??"  he calls from across the house.

 "Why is this Garfield book on the table?"

"I don't know, I wasn't reading that one."

Strange how he can see through walls.

"Neither was I" comes another voice before I can even inquire.

OK, well I know their dad wasn't reading it, Alex hasn't left his room since he got home and I know for sure that I haven't had the time for guilty pleasures like Garfield so I'm guessing the neighbor kid must have come in while I wasn't looking and gone into their room, found Jeffrey's favorite book, snuck out to the table, read it while no one was looking then left it there just to drive us crazy. Which around here wouldn't take too much gas.

Dinner tonight and the table is a jumble of who knows what. I call the two of them in and ask them to please clean it off so I can serve dinner on a flat surface. For some odd reason they scurry right in and before I can dish out the first plate of meatloaf the whole thing is clean as a whistle.

MY MY, I am SO impressed.

Dinner is served, eaten and somehow the dirty dishes all reach the kitchen without my having to remind anybody.

I go about my business, shuffling laundry to where it needs to go, checking my auctions on eBay, trying to pry Alex away from his homework so HE can eat. In my travels I passed by my rolltop desk and came to a dead stop.

Every item from the table had been placed in a pile on top of my laptop, on my chair and there were even 2 things on the floor next to the drawers.

I can't be sure but I think steam may have started to shoot out my ears.

"JEFFREY AND KATHERINE!!!"

Two little heads peer around the corner.

"What on EARTH is this mess??"

"You told us to clean off the table."

"Yes but I didn't tell you to put everything on my desk!"

"Where should we put it?"

"I don't know.. perhaps where it belongs?"

Silence.

"Well?"

"We didn't think of that. You could have just told us to do it like that in the first place."

My turn for silence. Deep breath.

"OK well I'm now telling it to you in the second place."

Eventually they got it all put away but not without a couple of raised voices about who left what where. Both agreeing that even though neither of them did it, they would put it away anyway since it was the right thing to do. I'm not sure whether to be proud of them or smack my forehead.

If I could change the laws of physics I would try to somehow break the magnetic junk force that this table seems to possess but until then I will have to try to keep a closer eye on things before they get out of hand.

OH yeah, and put a lock on the door to keep out that pesky neighbor kid.