Succesful Trade Negotiations

 

The 5-year-old would not eat her bowl of Mac n Cheese last night because it was "dusty".

I know I'm not the best housekeeper but I didn't realize it had gotten that bad.

We eventually negotiated a trade for a plate of chicken nuggets and life continued forward without further incident.

The Comedian

 

Me, quietly minding my own business relaxing on the couch

The 5-year-old crawls over the back and holds out her hands each balled into a fist "Which one?"

Me: "Which one what?"

Kid: "Which one do you want?"

Me: (silently thinking neither since the last time we did this you gave me a booger, but I never learn my lesson so...) 

"OK, I'll take that one" and point to her right hand

Kid: opens her hand, nothing in there

Me: points to the other hand "OK then how about that one?"

Kid: opens her other hand and nothing in there either,

She falls off the couch laughing

Me: "you are ridiculous"

Kid: "No I'm not, I'm Larious!!!"

Yep, absolutely ridiculously Hil-larious.

Why are you nude?

Me, minding my own business in the kitchen.

Enter 4 year old. Naked.

Me: Why are you nude?

4 year old: I wanna go outside

Me: ummmm, you need clothes

4-year-old staring down at her naked self: No. My Barbies are outside

Me: (realizing the Barbies are probably naked too so she might just want to join the party): You still need to wear something. Especially on your feet.

4 year old disappears up the stairs.

Me: Cool, she listened without arguing.

I go back to minding my own business

4 year old reappears down the stairs.

There are hand puppets on her feet and Mickey Mouse ears on her head.

Me:

4 year old:

Me (sighing deeply): Go ahead, just don't sit down on anything while you're out there.

There are just some battles I'm not gonna fight.

 

Who needs Privacy?

My warm, relaxing, mood-improving shower was cut short this morning when the 4-year-old found her way into the bathroom and alternated between marching back and forth singing Disney songs through an empty toilet paper tube and pressing her face against the shower door informing me "I see you Gwamma, you have no pants."

Nosey Kid

Me: innocently sitting in the den minding my own business.

Enter four year old, placing hand, palm up in front of my face

“Here you go”

In her hand is what looks like an extremely tiny nondescript ball.

I reach out and pick it up squinting at it to get a better look.

Then casually ask “Where did you get this?”

She looked me straight in the eye and said “My nose."

Apparently, it’s been too long since I’ve had a preschooler because all those years ago I never would have reached out and taken something unknown from a kid's hand without double-checking what it was first.

 

Raspberry Break

I'm in my room at the computer.

Enter the 4-year-old, stage left.

She lifts up her shirt and proudly announces "See my tummy!"

Then she points at my tummy and pulls on my shirt.

I obediently lift up my shirt (figuring she won't judge the fact that I am chonkier than I should be) and she leans over and plants a giant raspberry on me and runs out of the room giggling.

I can now return to my regular scheduled typing.

 

Unsolved Mystery

Me, at my computer trying to finish the latest chapter in my book

 

Large ***THA-WHUMP*** from downstairs

 

Small voice in the distance "uh-oh!"

 

I get up and walk to the wall overlooking downstairs.

 

Same small voice "UH-OH!"

 

Me: "What happened?"

 

Small voice "uh-oh... uh-oh"

 

I head down the hall to the stairs

 

"What happened? What fell over?"

 

4 year old blur scurries past me, shoving me out of the way 

 

"I sorry, I sorry, I SO sorry!" 

 

Blur takes a hard right disappears into her room and slams door.

 

Upon inspection, I could find no sign of anything out of place or disturbed anywhere downstairs

 so as of right now, I have no clue, but figure at some time today I'm going to come across something 

and say "Well Crap".