Can I has gun now?

Ahhhh family!

The holidays bring everyone together. Lots of cooking, reminiscing, cuddling babies, taking pictures, watching TV specials, gathering around the table for meals, warm crackling fires, yummy smells...

Theres a week of my life I'll never get back.

No seriously... I love my family... ADORE THEM..... I just don't tolerate some with the same calm patience that I do others..

Take my mother-in-law for example (no really go ahead help yourself). No matter how many times Jeff and I say that we will approach her visit with an air of acceptance and the knowledge that she does not live here and since we only see her a few times times a year, "how bad can one week be?", we quickly eat our words as we each end of up running for cover after the first few hours of her arrival.

There are so many stories... so many moments that I could share... but I will refrain from sounding like an bitchy daughter-in-law and only pass along this one recent event.

Tomorrow is Jeffrey's 9th birthday. Grandma wanted to take him out to lunch today so he decided on California Pizza Kitchen. In general they do not do anything special for birthdays but grandma wasn't going to let that stop her. When we got there she grabbed the manager by the arm, dragging her aside to announce our celebration. The lady manager knows us as we have eaten there many times over the years. After she extracted herself from grandmas grip she smiled over at us and said "No worries, we will take care of everything".

After the meal, the waitress brought a HUGE sundae and placed it down in front of Jeffrey. He had to get up on his knees to blow out the candle.

I scooped some ice cream out for everybody and we were all enjoying it when suddenly loud and clear grandma announced:

"This is better than a blow job!"

Alex's spoon stopped in mid air, an ice cube flew out of Jeff's mouth and landed somewhere in front of Katherine, my eye started to twitch and a woman headed for the bathroom ran into a chair.

Jeff painfully swallowed the rest of his drink and wincing slightly noted "Well now THAT was something I didn't need to hear".

And if the younger two come up to me later and ask me what Grandma meant I will definitely have to use my favorite line "Go ask your father"......

Exercise for the physically unfit

Pathetic.

Seriously.

That is the only way to describe my hiking experience today.

I trailed behind everyone like an old mule someone brought along because they felt sorry for her stuck in the barn all day and she looked like she could use some fresh air.

I didn't even have the luxury of carrying a pack so I could use it as an excuse for my falling half a mile behind everyone.

I shooed the group ahead so everyone didn't keep turning around to check on me to see if I had collapsed. Though I figure it was more for fear they would have to carry me back to the car then actually worried about my state of well being. My family loves me, but there is a limit to what they are willing to do.

Who knew there were miles of long hiking trails through the mountains not 1/4 mile from our house. I suppose the signs and trail-heads might have given me a clue but I wasn't exactly paying attention to those things since we moved in here.

We have decided we need to be more creative in getting the kids active and doing family stuff on the weekend. So yesterday we took them to the park to play soccer. I played goalie which I figured would be the easiest job since all I had to do was stand there and make sure the ball didn't get past me. What I failed to take into consideration was that there was no net behind me so when a ball snuck past me (maybe once or twice, or ten) I had to go retrieve it. It was slightly more physically demanding than I first thought.

Today we headed out to the trails and despite my continue lagging behind we all had a good time.

There were bunnies in the brush, dogs on leashes and several colorful piles of coyote poop. Anyone in earshot knew when Jeffrey spotted it. Amazing what an 8 year old finds exciting.

Or frightening.

We were on the way back and Jeffrey had trotted a bit a head of us when all of sudden he threw his arms over his head and fell into a crouched fetal position, sending his water bottle flying in the opposite direction. We all stood and stared at him. Jeff and I wondered how we had missed someone yelling "Duck & Cover". There was also the possibility of a sniper attack and Jeffrey was the only one aware enough to sense it.

"What's wrong????"

"Something landed on my head.. it was a bug, no it was a bee...well  I dont know what it was but it smacked me real good."

Upon closer examination we could find no sign of a bug, a bee, a leaf or anything at all.

Jeff picked him up and he stayed curled in a ball suspended above the ground. Jeff gave him a shake and slowly his legs straightened out and returned to earth.

"You're fine."

"I'm not so sure about that."

But he marched on towards the car, glancing over his shoulder every few feet to check for unexpected flying objects.

We figure at least if there ever is a nuclear war, Jeffrey will make it through just fine.

Photos of our day in the park yesterday: