The Neighborhood Catfather

We have an asshole neighborhood cat whose asshole owner allows to roam freely so he can come to our door and spray it with his "I own this" pheromone stink.

He has been doing this since we moved in.

It took me awhile to figure out why my indoor cats would sit for hours staring at the front door as if waiting for the appearance of The Virgin Kitty.

I have recently been trying to figure out ways to stop this feline delinquent from causing my stoop to smell like an uncleaned litter box. Soaking the screen door with different fragrances and enzymes to discourage him seems to have started a mob war.

Yesterday morning as we were leaving for school, there on the front walk was a decapitated pigeon. The cat equivalent of a horse head. A warning of what might happen to me and my loved ones if I didn't stop trying to infringe on his weekly ritual of ownership.

I have yet to clean it up because frankly, I don't want to go near it. No one else in the house wants to go near it either.

Maybe if I ignore it, some other cat will come and take it away and we can pretend it never happened. 

In the meantime I have to decide between wanting a clean fresh smelling entrance, or worrying about my families safety.

I thought decisions like these were only found in literature and movies. 

No wonder I'm tired

4 AM
Brain: Hey... psssst.... Hey YOU..... you gotta pee.
Me: No I don't
Brain: No, you do. And you know you can't just lay here all comfortable when you gotta pee.
Me: Don't you keep up with current events, I JUST peed 15 minutes ago, remember? We tripped over the cat on the way to the bathroom?
Brain: Yeah, but you still gotta go. Can't you tell?
Me: I can feel my own bladder. I know I don't have to pee anymore, now shut up, leave me alone and go to sleep.
Brain: Bubbling brooks. Waterfalls. Rushing rivers. Showers with the warm water streaming down your face, over your body, hitting the tub floor and flowing down the drain. Rain, falling from the...
Me: ALRIGHT ALRIGHT, if it'll shut you up.
2 minutes later
Me: SEE? I told you I didn't have to pee!
Brain: Well at least now you know and you don't have to lay there and wonder. You should thank me.

Cool? Nope, Not me

Just when you think you may be one of those "cool" moms,
you know the ones that the kids aren't embarrassed by, I hear this:
"Hey mom, um, when you stop the car and we get out and the doors are open..... can you, um, turn down the music until the doors are closed?"
My answer was to turn up the music until the car was rocking on it's wheels.
"MOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMM!" Both of them looking desperately around to see which of their friends might be witnessing this.
I turned it back down to normal and suddenly it didn't seem quite as bad when they opened the doors and dashed for their class.
Do not mess with me children, I am old for a reason.