Friday, November 10, 2023

Keep Calm and Carry On

 

Me: driving completely and evenly in the middle of the lane, curving around a freeway on-ramp 

My car: beep beep beep... BEEP BEEP BEEP, PAY ATTENTION, You're swerving all over the road! You're going to kill us all! OH, THE HUMANITY!!!
 
Also my car:
 
Me: driving out between the fields in the agricultural area, when a road runner darts out in front of the car causing me to swerve towards the center line, then make a hard correction back into my lane to avoid on coming traffic
 
My car: AH, what a fine day! Gorgeous weather, Lovely breeze, not a thing wrong in the world! Carry on my lady!

Saturday, July 8, 2023

Succesful Trade Negotiations

 

The 5-year-old would not eat her bowl of Mac n Cheese last night because it was "dusty".
I know I'm not the best housekeeper but I didn't realize it had gotten that bad.
We eventually negotiated a trade for a plate of chicken nuggets and life continued forward without further incident.

Friday, June 23, 2023

The Comedian

 

Me, quietly minding my own business relaxing on the couch
The 5-year-old crawls over the back and holds out her hands each balled into a fist "Which one?"
Me: "Which one what?"
Kid: "Which one do you want?"
Me: (silently thinking neither since the last time we did this you gave me a booger, but I never learn my lesson so...) 
"OK, I'll take that one" and point to her right hand
Kid: opens her hand, nothing in there
Me: points to the other hand "OK then how about that one?"
Kid: opens her other hand and nothing in there either,
She falls off the couch laughing
Me: "you are ridiculous"
Kid: "No I'm not, I'm Larious!!!"
Yep, absolutely ridiculously Hil-larious.