I know this is supposed to be Way Back Wednesday but I have a lot of other stuff bouncing around my brain.
All my kids are going to be home this weekend. All 6 that I am personally responsible for will actually be all in one place at the same time.
I am both unbelievably excited and inexplicably sad. I can't wait to see Em and Chris and his family. But I know I am going to be devastated when they leave.
And I don't even know how long I will get to see everybody. My ex-mother-in-law is having a 70th birthday party and paid for everyone to attend. That means that no matter how much I want to see them and monopolize their attention, she gets first dibs.
Not to mention that the out of towners are are going to try to squeeze in seeing their friends as well.
All this in about 48 hours.
I'm trying to be happy about seeing them for even a little while but I know it won't be enough.
Until you have kids and they grow up and move away, it's hard to understand what it feels like to have someone you love in your life for 18 years and then suddenly be gone and you don't know if they will ever live close to you again.
I know my kids don't understand it. When you are young and starting out it feels so liberating to move away and be on your own. And if your parents have younger kids that still live at home you probably think you aren't missed that much.
Not true. Not even for a second.
I miss Emily and Chris every single day. (Sarah lives close enough to see her several times a month). And now I have a grandbaby who I barely even know. I've seen him just a few times in his life and I am missing out on watching him grow up.
And the worst part is there is nothing I can do. I gotta let my kids live their own life and make their own path. Even if it's not what I want.
I think about them daily.. wish they were here.. wish we could just spend some relaxed time together hanging out then saying good bye and see you soon, maybe Wednesday for dinner. Instead of trying to fit in a couple of hours into a short weekend before they have to run back home not knowing when we are going to be able to see each other again.
I'm going to try to be as positive as possible this weekend and save any uncontrolled crying until after they walk out the door.
It's all part of the circle of life. We give birth to them, we love and nurture them, raise them and then set them free so they can go out and have their own family.
It really stinks and I really hate it.
