No Food for the Hungry

Food warm. Drink poured. Settling down to have lunch at my desk. One bite. Two bites....
"MOM..I'm hungry!!!"
"Jeffrey I just sat down, my food is hot, please wait 10 minutes and I will fix you lunch."
"But MOOOOOOOM, I'm starving now." 
I can see you wasting away as we speak.
"Jeffrey I will fix you food in 10 minutes and if you can't wait that long then make yourself something."
Long silence followed by grumbling off into the distance.
OK, back to food.
One bite. Two bites....
"Hey Honey, are you at your desk?"
"Yes......"
"Check weather underground to see if the rain is coming, I have to go out and work".
"OK"... click, click, wait for page to load.... "Yes, storm headed this way, almost on top of us"
Suddenly surrounded by husband and children leaning over my desk, to look at the radar and discuss the impending weather.
"Guys, I'm trying to eat here."
"That's OK, you're not bothering us...." 
Discussion continues.
Finally I am alone.
Food is still moderately warm.
One bite... two bites....
"Hey Honey, where are the wire ties?"
"In the garage, if you can wait 10 minutes I will get one for you".
"No, just tell me where you put them."
(In a very hard to find place that would take me longer to explain than to get up myself and get them).
Start to get up but hear "NO NO, it's ok... I'll find them....".
Sit back down, one bite, second bite pending...
Voice directly behind me from the couch:
"Hi... how are YOU?"
I turn around to see Jeffrey leaning over the back of the couch practically upside down.
"Jeffrey, I'm eating."
"That's not how you are... How ARE you?"
"I'm hungry and TRYING to finish my food before it gets cold."
"But besides hungry, how ARE you?"
"JEFFREY, I am HUNGRY, I am trying to EAT, my food is now COLD and all I want is 5 minutes in peace to finish it. Can I have 5 minutes PLEASE?"
"GEEZ mom you don't have to get so upset... I'm just trying to be friendly. I'll just go sit over here, alone... and hungry."
I need a vacation.

All About Me

If certain teenagers (who shall remain nameless) would spend less time moaning about how much work there is left to do and how much they do not want to do it, they would be finished already and I wouldn't have to hear about it anymore. 

Yes, it's confirmed, it's all about me.

Good Morning

Welcome to  Thursday.

 

We've had a "feed me or I'm going to die" cat at 6 AM, 

 

a surly teenage boy at 7 AM 

 

and some cat bio-waste deposited directly between the bedrooms and bathroom which apparently no one saw because "you know I would have cleaned it up of I saw it!" at 8 AM.

 

Perhaps we can tone it down for the rest of the day, what do you think?

 

Song of the Day

Thursday morning tip to the kids (must be sung to be appreciated): 

 

Got a little motto

Always sees me through

When you're good to Mama

Mama's good to you.

There's a lot of favors

I'm prepared to do

You do one for Mama

She'll do one for you.

 

I Have Questions

Can someone please explain to me how my 14 year old can know how to play PS3 with expertise, can help his sister solve computer issues with ease, can navigate the A/C menu to get it to turn on and off at the correct time with ease, but cannot make himself a PB&J sandwich?

Adventures with Jeff

Me (for 10+ minutes): Hic Hic Hic Ouch..... HIC HIC HIC

Jeff: Got the Hiccups?

Me: HIC Good HIC guess HIC.. Ouch these hurt... HIC HIC

Jeff: Did you try some water?

Me: HIC, no, Hic, It never, Hic, Helps..... HIC HIC HIC

I go back to work and then, 2 minutes later:

I hear the LOUDEST, most earth shattering "HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" delivered at the top of someone's lungs, directed right at me.

I screech and fall off my chair in terror. Quite certain my heart has stopped.

The cat has become airborne as well and rocketed 2 rooms away before stopping to figure out what the Hell happened.

Jeff (calmly): Did that help?

Me (eyes still bulging out of their sockets) I think I died of fright so it doesn't matter anymore.

Jeff (smiling): well I try to help where I can.

(And as much as I hate to admit it, having the crap scared out of you REALLY does get rid of the hiccups.)

A Song for your Friday

We have a neighbor

who lives next door

who has a dog

who likes to bark

from the very first light

to long past dark.

 

(Chorus)

Bark, bark bark bark

(pause)

Bark bark

(pause)

Bark, bark bark bark

(pause)

Bark bark

(pause)

 

And so it goes

night and day

day and night

 

on and on

on and on.

on and on.