So there

You know it's going to be one of those days when you get into an argument with your GPS about how to get to where you're going.

Just for the record, I won.

 

And the answer is....

Two buses leave Kansas City going in opposite directions.

One is going 45 miles per hour and the other is going 55 miles per hour. How long until they are 400 miles apart?

This was on yesterday's Algebra 2 homework.

I NEVER believed they really had these kinds of questions in real life.

I was wrong.

The answer BTW was about 4 hours

Thar she blows

How to give Katherine a cosmic meltdown:

Me: Is this your toothbrush on the left side of the sink in your bathroom?
Kat: Nope. Must be Jeffrey's. Mine is the purple one on the right.
Me: Jeffrey, is this YOUR toothbrush on the left side of the sink in your bathroom?
Jeffrey: Nope mine is the purple one on right
.
Kat (rushing out of her room): WAIT.... WHAT????? NOOOOOOOO!!! That's MINE!!! OMG OMG Have YOU been using MY toothbrush all this time??? OMG OMG That is SO gross.... YUCK YUCK YUCK.... MOM I NEED A NEW TOOTHBRUSH.... EW EW EW EW..... I'm just going to die. That's it. Life is over. 
She ran into her room, choking and gagging and slammed the door.

At least I now know why the toothbrush on the left never looked used.

Weather Report

Holy freakin' mother of crisco.....

It's 110° outside at 9 PM with winds that feel like they are blowing straight outta hell.

This now concludes your eyewitness weather report for the evening.

You're welcome.

Dessert Disappointment

I was mentally unprepared for the fact I had to eat my dessert without the creamy goodness I had been planning because the bottle of whipped cream that had been sitting in the fridge, tempting me, calling my name, promising me untold delights, instead elicited nothing but a few little drops of watery nothingness because whoever used it last either wanted to hide the fact that they used it up or they were too lazy to walk it over to the trash can.

When I asked around the general consensus was no one knew WHAT I was talking about and hurriedly changed the subject.

When mornings attack

My morning:
Out of breakfast for 17 year old cat who is walking on Jeff's head at 6 AM.
Out of coffee which I need to be awake enough to drive kids to school. 
Wait, I'm desperate, I'll reheat yesterday's leftover coffee.
UGH no creamer. Just shoot me now.
Out of Baggies for the kids sandwiches. Wrap them in plastic wrap.
THEN out of paper sacks to put said baggie-less sandwiches in. Substitute plastic grocery bags. (I'm sure the kids won't mind.)
Shove kids out the door 20 minutes early so I can stop at the market and get coffee, creamer and cat food.
Agent J having issues that he didn't get to finish his morning beauty routine. 
Get to the market, discover I've left my phone at home.
Mini heart attack that this will be the day the van implodes and I will be stuck on the side of the road for hours unable to alert husband to my situation.
Get kids to school 15 minutes early despite hearing "MOOOOMMMMM... We're going to be LAAAAAATTTE" all the way there.
Get home safely after being sure every noise wasn't the van's last gasp of life.
Walk in house look for phone.
Find it in my purse. (The one I had with me).
Can I get a reboot on my morning please?

I see you

Have your kids out grown the need to watch you while you're in the bathroom?

Get a cat, relive the pleasure.