The Dark Truth

Occasionally I like to try to impress my children with my vast knowledge base.

No laughing please.

I may not be like the encyclopedia I am married to who can read an article and absorb all the facts and then repeat them verbatim, understanding everything he is imparting. But I do know a thing or two that might seem impressive when you're under 4 foot tall.

Thanks to an over the top 5th grade teacher, I know all the states and their capitals and can point them out on a map.

I am better than average at teen Jeopardy being able to call out the answer faster than the high schooler contestants.... and occasionally surprise myself and know a number of the harder answers on adult Jeopardy. I have even proven that I am indeed smarter than a 5th grader. Most of the time.

I can name most dog breeds by sight, even the more obscure ones. (Yes I know.. you're jealous).

I am fairly good at being able to use correct grammar and am above average in spelling. (Even though spell check just informed me I spelled grammar incorrectly..  ironic to be sure)

I am really very good at "pencil puzzles" and aces at logic problems (having gotten an A+ in symbolic logic in college). Perhaps I should have gone into military intelligence..cracking codes and what not. (but not cracking COEDS as I originally mis-typed.)

The kids take most of my knowledge in stride, none too impressed with me knowing that Pierre is the Capital of South Dakota or that dog we saw walking down the street was a Dandy Dinmont terrier, or even that I answered the $1000 question on Jeopardy when none of the contestants did. But what they always do comment on is that fact that I can tell them which opera a particular song came from and I can even hum the tune.

WOW mom how did you know that came from the Barber of Seville? Or Ride of the Valkyries? Where did you learn that? In college?

Unfortunately I cannot tell them the dark truth to this question. It would take all mystique out of what seems to be awe inspiring to them.

And the truth, dear reader is that I spent my Saturday mornings as a kid watching the worlds funniest rabbit.. Bugs Bunny. Yes, those cartoons that were filled with classical references to some of the more memorable operas.. either poking fun or simply using the music. It would be hard to tell my kids that I gained this impressive knowledge by spending my childhood Saturday mornings holed up in my parents room, eating 3 bowls of cereal and watching cartoons.

Shhhhhh.. don't tell them!